


Truth to Tell

by Katef



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-30
Updated: 2017-03-30
Packaged: 2018-10-12 21:51:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 27,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10500159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katef/pseuds/Katef
Summary: After TSbyBS, someone is prepared to go to extreme lengths to break up the Sentinel and Guide partnership permanently.





	

**Author's Note:**

> First posted to ASR3 on 16/12/2012, this story was inspired by a study I was conducting on the well-established but despicable practice of institutionalising powerless but irritating family members - such as moody, menopausal wives - on the grounds of supposed insanity. Coupled with the mental image of Blair running for his life in the episode 'Mirror Image', I thought, why not? So here it is.
> 
> K x

**Prologue:**  


_My partner doesn’t lie. Blair Sandburg, anthropologist, ex grad student and the best friend a man could have is a master of words. Language is a favourite tool of his, and armed with his formidable intellect, he uses words with consummate skill and in intricate ways to educate, entertain, defend, and sometimes - in the absence of material means - as weapons._

__I have heard him tap dancing with the best, weaving his magic to divert and illustrate, baffling and bewildering the questioner to such an extent that he forgets the original enquiry. And can we say ‘obfuscate’? Sure, he can bend, stretch and flex the truth to the nth degree, but he doesn’t actually lie._ _

___Until now._ _ _

____I’ll never forget standing in the bullpen alongside my colleagues watching my distraught partner destroy himself in front of the TV cameras. Wounded eyes shiny with unshed tears, and voice breaking and choking with emotion, he lied._ _ _ _

____He lied when he called himself a fraud._ _ _ _

____He lied when he called his Sentinel paper ‘a fiction’._ _ _ _

____He lied when he denied that Detective Jim Ellison was a Sentinel._ _ _ _

____He lied to protect the PD, and he lied to protect me._ _ _ _

____And I let him._ _ _ _

____I, Jim Ellison, Sentinel of the Great City, and yellow-bellied, self-centred coward, let him hang himself out to dry._ _ _ _

____And it’s more than time to put things right._  
_ _ _

__\------------------------------  
_ _

__**Part 1: Tell no Lies:**  
_ _

__**Cascade General Hospital, Simon Banks’ room:**  
_ _

__Simon Banks looked at the man sitting at his bedside, his expression one of pained fondness tainted with worry. Ellison shifted slightly in his seat, his own face grimacing a little as he stretched a long leg out, trying to ease the twinge of discomfort and stiffness still bothering him from the impact of Zeller’s bullet._ _

__“So, Jim, how’s the leg? You going to be able to lose the cane any time soon?”_ _

__“It’s not so bad, Simon. Just a bit of a nuisance when I forget and move awkwardly. And it’s not as if it’s anything in comparison to yours and Megan’s injuries anyhow. And at least, I can dial it down,” he tailed off, his expression rueful._ _

__“Yeah, I guess you can at that,” replied his Captain and friend. “Sandburg had some good ideas didn’t he? And I always thought he was a flake. Just goes to show how wrong one can be in judging another,” and he glanced pointedly at Jim. Seeing the man wince slightly at his words, he changed the subject quickly, ashamed of his own small cruelty._ _

__“So, do you still want me to go ahead with this badge offer? It’s not going to be easy, and if the kid accepts, you’ll have to come clean to the Chief and Commissioner about the senses. Or at least, give them something to run with. Because otherwise they won’t even consider my request after that TV statement.”_ _

__“Yeah, I know, Simon. And tell the truth, the way I feel now I could shout the whole thing from the rooftops. But that would only make a mockery of Blair’s sacrifice, I guess. So I’ll just have to see how he reacts, and hope he takes it in the spirit it’s offered.”_ _

__“You mean you haven’t even broached the possibility of continuing your partnership in some way? He’s given you no hint of what he needs?”_ _

__“Well, no. Actually, we haven’t talked for some time. Not properly,” Jim responded rather shame-facedly._ _

__“Hell, you know how it is with me and words, Simon! Words are Blair’s thing, not mine! And we’ve seen so little of each other since the whole Zeller thing and diss mess the subject hasn’t arisen. I just figured that we could talk it through once he’s got the badge and Naomi’s moved on to pastures new.”_ _

__Frowning in concern, Simon thought for a moment before saying, “You know, Jim, this stoic silence thing you’ve got going. I’m not at all sure it’s not going to bite you in the ass. The kid’s a genius, sure, but he’s not psychic. For all he knows, you still want rid of him. You said some harsh stuff to him before the shooting. And even before that.”_ _

__“I _know_ it, Simon! And at the time I probably meant it! But I was wrong, OK? He’ll realise that, and we can get back to how we were.” _ _

__“If you say so, Jim. But I’m not convinced you’re right. He’s been badly hurt, and I’m as much to blame as anyone. I could have stood up for him better. Told him I appreciated his input more often. So I suppose we’ll just have to see how it goes. See if he’s as understanding and forgiving as we hope he is._ _

__“Anyhow,” he continued on a more positive note. “I’m being discharged tomorrow, and Megan was released this morning, so as soon as we can arrange for Sandburg to ‘visit’ the bullpen, we can do the deed, OK?”_ _

__Smiling gently in relief, Jim responded eagerly._ _

__“Well, I’m hoping that it’ll be within the next couple of days, Simon. I mean, from what I overheard Blair tell his Mom, he has to clear out his desk at the U before the end of the week, and he intends to drop by the PD to hand in his Observer’s Pass. I’m thinking that we can corner him then. All I have to do is confirm it with Naomi.”_ _

__“Huh, she’s likely to speak to you then?” said Simon with an amused grin._ _

__“Yeah, I think so, Simon. She may not like it – in fact, I think she’ll really hate the offer for Blair to join the ranks of the ‘pigs’ officially – but in view of what she did to destroy her son’s life, I think it’s the least she can do. So leave it with me, OK, and I’ll come get you tomorrow. Yes, in a cab!” he added, taking in his Captain’s scowl. “I know I haven’t been signed off to drive again yet!” and as Simon joined with him in amiable laughter, he congratulated himself somewhat smugly while imagining how his Guide would react to the offer of a permanent place at his side.  
_ _

__\------------------------  
_ _

__**CEO’s office, Ellison Enterprises Inc. Same day:**  
_ _

__Seated behind his impressive desk, William Ellison terminated his telephone call and replaced the handset carefully. Staring at the instrument for a few moments, his face reflected his slight unease even as he told himself that he had done the only thing possible to save his son – and the Ellison family name - from further distress._ _

__A hard-nosed businessman, William loved his sons, even as he had pitted them against each other during their adolescence, and the disruptive and downright abusive calls he himself had been subjected to after that boy had unwittingly ‘outed’ Jimmy’s senses had angered him intensely. He didn’t care about the young man’s attempts to repair the damage done, even if he rather grudgingly admired Sandburg’s courage under duress._ _

__No, as far as William was concerned, the only way to truly give Jimmy his life back was to remove Mr Sandburg permanently. He knew very well that Jimmy himself would be too noble to ignore Sandburg’s sacrifice, and there was no way William believed any good could come of the boy hanging around any longer._ _

__And he had just the means to remedy the problem. It just took a little ‘encouragement’ whispered in the right ears, and throwing a lot of money into the proposed deal, and it was done. It wasn’t as if he was putting a contract out to kill the boy after all. Just quietly place him somewhere out of sight, if not entirely out of mind._ _

__And William was prepared to live with his uneasy conscience for life, if necessary, if it meant that Jimmy was safe once more.  
_ _

__\-------------------------  
_ _

__**The Loft, three days later:**  
_ _

__Jim sat alone in the loft, waiting for his flatmate to return from taking Naomi to the airport. Glancing at his watch for the umpteenth time, he scowled at the lateness of the hour, sure that it shouldn’t take that long for Blair to say his goodbyes to his Mom._ _

__Then again, mother and son had had a lot of reconnecting to do, so perhaps Blair had gone for a short drive alone after dropping her off in order to clear his head and ‘find his centre’. It wasn’t as if things had been easy for the younger man lately, and today’s little surprise had hit him hard. Jim just hoped it was in a good way._ _

__Grimacing a little wryly, Jim replayed the scene in the bullpen earlier that day, and the events leading up to it.  
_ _

__\---------------------  
_ _

__Once Naomi had taken herself off to a hotel a few days ago in order to give Jim and Blair a little more space in which to try and deal with their misunderstandings, it had been easier to confront her out of Blair’s hearing. Jim had taken the opportunity of explaining to her how, with Simon Banks’ help and blessing, he intended to heal the rift between him and his Guide, not really concerned as to whether she approved or not. He simply wanted her to accept the situation and not upset Blair any more with her censure._ _

__“So, Jim. You and Simon think that offering Blair a badge will compensate him for the loss of his academic future, am I right? You want him to be your partner again, but on your terms – as a cop!”_ _

__Meeting the angry woman’s glare with a hard one of his own, Jim had replied more harshly than he had intended, but he had had enough of Naomi’s interference and hippy-dippy notions._ _

__“Yes, Naomi, I do. Whether you like it or not, Blair belongs with me. We’ve had our problems, and not all to do with your releasing the diss. That just brought things to a head. I think Blair’s known for some time that he’s had enough of academia. He told me himself ages ago that he preferred the rollercoaster ride of a cop’s life to the academic merry-go-round._ _

__“OK, maybe he didn’t intend to go to the academy and actually become a cop, but he’s stuck by my side through thick and thin even when I’ve treated him badly._ _

__“If there was a way to repair the damage to his academic reputation, I’d do it, but that press conference pretty much destroyed any hope of that, so I’m offering him a way out if he’ll take it. A way to stay with me and work with me.”_ _

__“And it’s always been about you, hasn’t it?” Naomi snapped, eyes flashing in fury, only to deflate almost instantly._ _

__“Goddess!” she murmured, almost to herself. “I never would have interfered if I had known what Sid would do. I _trusted_ him, more fool me! And now I’ve condemned Blair to a life as a ‘pig’!” and she laughed humourlessly as she wiped a stray tear from her eye. _ _

__“It’s Karma, for sure, but it should be me who pays, not Blair.”_ _

__Then, looking up to meet Jim’s gaze once more she straightened her shoulders as she faced up to reality for once._ _

__“OK, Jim. I can’t say I’ll ever approve, but I’ll try not to upset Blair when you make that offer. I should thank you, but I can’t bring myself to be quite that hypocritical. Not when I did so much damage on my own._ _

__“So, as to when Blair will be going to the PD, he told me he was clearing out his office on Thursday morning, then dropping off his pass after that. He should be in the bullpen around lunchtime I think. He was hoping to get in and out with as few people around to see him as possible,” she continued sadly._ _

__Finally feeling some sympathy for the devastated woman, Jim responded softly._ _

__“Thanks, Naomi. Whether we agree or not, I do mean the best for Blair. Will you meet us at the PD? I think Blair needs to see you. Needs to know you’ll support him whatever your reservations.”_ _

__“Yes Jim. I’ll be there,” she whispered. “Now, if you don’t mind, I have some meditating to do,” and she had smiled sadly as she showed him out.  
_ _

__\------------------------  
_ _

__Sighing at the recollection of Naomi’s grief, Jim turned his thoughts to the scene in the bullpen that afternoon._ _

__Having arranged for a wheelchair-bound Simon and Megan to be picked up, since they were both still officially on sick leave, Jim had arrived at Major Crimes somewhat earlier along with Naomi, who had insisted on driving him. He had quickly spread the word amongst his friends and colleagues, and, having been alerted to Blair’s arrival at the PD via one of the desk sergeants who still had a soft spot for the young man, the majority of them cleared out of the bullpen and hid down the corridor in the conference room._ _

__Casting out his hearing, Jim followed Blair’s attempt at a surreptitious entrance, only to be spotted by Joel who was standing in as acting Captain during Simon’s convalescence. Jaw clenching in sympathy at the sad tone of his Guide’s replies to Joel’s gentle enquiry as to the reason for his presence, Jim exchanged a meaningful glance with Simon, who whispered, “What’s up, Jim? He here yet?”_ _

__“Yeah, he’s here, Simon. He’s just told Joel that he’s cleared his desk at the U, and wants to take a last look around after he’s dropped his pass on your desk. I think it’s time to get this show on the road, huh?” and without further ado, he pushed open the door and led the way into the bullpen, with the others following close behind._ _

__Looking back, Jim knew he’d hurt Blair with his stupid attempt at a joke when he’d told him that he was finished in the PD ‘as an observer’. The timing had been off, and Blair’s face had clouded with misery before he could conceal it._ _

__And when Simon had snatched the badge back off him the moment he’d muttered, “I don’t deserve this...!” Jim had thought Blair was about to burst into tears._ _

__However, he had managed to control himself, and had allowed Jim’s grabbing of him, even putting up with the inevitable noogie. In retrospect, Jim realised that there had been a slightly hysterical note to his declaration that he ‘wasn’t cutting his hair’ though._ _

__Nevertheless, by the time the gathering had broken up, Blair had been almost euphoric, face wreathed in smiles. Even if he believed deep down that the offer was unworkable, the mere fact that his friends still wanted him around had gladdened his heart and lifted a huge weight off his shoulders._ _

__Having agreed to take Naomi to the airport, Blair promised to return to the loft as soon as possible so they could talk through the offer properly, and what it meant to their partnership._ _

__And in view of his Guide’s enthusiasm at the prospect of a genuine discussion, it was somewhat surprising that he was so late...._ _

__Just then, the phone rang, and Jim quickly picked up, fond irritation in his expression as he half expected to hear Blair apologising profusely because his junker of a car had broken down again. But what he heard was enough to make the bottom drop out of his world._ _

__The caller was Joel, with the information that a unit had just reported in that Blair’s car had been found abandoned several miles from the airport, doors open and showing clear signs of a struggle having taken place at the roadside._ _

__And of Blair, there was no trace.  
_ _

__\-------------------------  
_ _

__**Blair, several hours previously:**  
_ _

__With a heavy heart, Blair taped up the last of the cardboard boxes he had brought to pack up the contents of his office. Although his erstwhile student helper had offered to give him a hand, expression genuinely sympathetic, he had turned down the offer, unable to bear the additional weight of her sorrow on his behalf._ _

__“Thanks, Em. But I’d rather do it on my own of you don’t mind. It’s just that, well, it’s like the end of an era for me. But I appreciate the offer, truly. You’ve been a great help to me over the past year, and I wish you luck with your studies, kiddo.”_ _

__“Thanks, Blair. And I want you to know that not everyone thinks you’re a fraud. There are still plenty of people on campus who know that that bitch Edwards was to blame for what happened. It’s just that, well, the ones that matter seem to either agree with her, or are protecting their own backs. It’s so not fair!”_ _

__“It’s OK, Em. It’s just university politics at work. And this time it’s me that’s at the wrong end. Don’t let it spoil your love of learning, Em. You’ve a bright future ahead of you, and I hope to be reading a lot of your work in the future.” And he had hugged the young woman before turning away slightly misty-eyed to get on with his packing._ _

__Carrying the boxes out to his car, he took a last look around the campus before handing over his keys to the security guard at Hargrove Hall, and driving away, heavy-hearted but resigned to live with his choices._ _

__Since it was after lunchtime, he decided to drop by Major Crimes as he had mentioned to Naomi, thinking that he might as well get it over with. He knew Jim was supposed to be visiting Simon, who had been released from hospital, but would be recuperating at home for some time, the severity of his back injury confining him to a wheelchair for the next few weeks._ _

__Lips pressed together as he gathered his courage, he pulled into the parking garage and made his way up to Major Crimes, trying very hard to avoid any confrontations en route although he was well aware of some muttered comments and grim stares that followed his progress._ _

__On arriving at the bullpen, he was both surprised and relieved to find it almost deserted, so, pulling his pass out of his jacket pocket, he crossed to Simon’s office where he placed it carefully on the desk, face reflecting his deep sadness at the action._ _

__As he looked around him, memorising the layout, and smiling ruefully at the myriad recollections the place immediately stimulated, he was taken a little by surprise at Joel’s query._ _

__“Uh, well, I had to clear out my desk at Rainier, so I thought I’d take a last look around, you know?” and then he was completely taken by surprise when Jim entered, accompanied by Naomi, a wheelchair-bound Simon, Megan, and many of his friends and colleagues from MCU._ _

__Although much of the following scene would become blurred by time, he knew he would never forget his emotional responses, which ranged from despair to bemusement to elation as the badge offer was made, and he realised that there were people here – good people – who still wanted to know him despite his almighty fuck up. Never mind that deep down he knew that becoming a cop wasn’t practical or advisable. The fact remained that Jim seemed to want them to stay together, in whatever capacity, and that in itself was enough to make him giddy with happiness._ _

__As the gathering wound down, Naomi drew him to one side and hugged him, promising that she would keep in touch, but reiterating her intention to leave immediately for one her friends’ retreats to process all that had happened._ _

__“Sure, Mom. Do you still need a lift to the airport, because I’m happy to do that for you?”_ _

__“That would be wonderful, Blair. If you don’t mind, can we go now? I moved my flight booking forward, because I knew you and Jim would have plenty to talk about tonight. And I’d like the chance to have a cup of tea with you before I board.”_ _

__So, after clearing it with Jim, and promising to return to the loft as soon as Naomi had taken off, mother and son left the bullpen arm-in-arm, and that was the last any of his friends would see of him for far too long.  
_ _

__\---------------------  
_ _

__As Blair drove away from the airport, his mind was preoccupied with considering the possible results and repercussions of accepting the badge offer, tempered with his emotional reaction to his parting with Naomi._ _

__His Mom had been trying her hardest to be happy and enthusiastic for his benefit, but her almost visceral aversion to the possibility of his becoming a cop was only too clear for her perceptive son to discern. Yet she was prepared to do her best, as she was so guilt-ridden over setting the whole debacle in motion._ _

__He had reiterated – several times in fact, during their brief sojourn at the airport’s coffee shop – that he still loved her and always would, but deep inside he knew that true forgiveness would be some time in coming. He didn’t like that fact, but he acknowledged the truth of it. What she had done in the name of love as she saw it had nearly destroyed him, and far worse, had almost cost the lives of his friends. However open-minded and non-judgemental he had thought himself to be, he knew that he was still angry, not least because of his own guilty feelings at his own stupidity._ _

__It was as well that Naomi was moving on to her friend’s retreat. Hopefully time and distance would help them heal their mutual grief and return them to some semblance of their previous understanding._ _

__With a rueful grin, and a muttered, “I am letting this go...” he turned his thoughts instead to the afternoon’s events and what they meant to him._ _

__Although he relished the opportunity to really talk with Jim – that was if the older man hadn’t changed his mind, because that was always a distinct possibility – he was worried how Jim would react to what he had to say._ _

__Because in all honesty he truly couldn’t see how he could become a cop. For a start, he still disliked firearms despite having been forced to use them on occasion over the past years accompanying Jim in the field. And surely he would be expected to do a stint in uniform? Did Jim and Simon really believe that he could walk straight into a detective’s role in Major Crimes after completing his mandatory courses? He seriously doubted that the instructors at the academy would consider that his few years as a civilian observer would constitute adequate on-the-job training._ _

__And what of his self-proclaimed fraudulent acts? Wouldn’t any Defence Attorney worth his or her salt pounce on the fact that Detective Sandburg was a known liar the moment he appeared on the witness stand?_ _

__But even as such negative thoughts occurred to him, he deliberately forced himself to consider the most positive aspects, and chief among those was the fact that Jim still wanted him in some capacity._ _

__And if Blair could be sure that his friend really felt that way, then he was prepared to do anything within his power to stay at Jim’s side._ _

__Just then, as he rounded a bend on a dark and deserted stretch of road running through a block of derelict warehouses and workshops awaiting redevelopment, he was forced to pull up sharply to avoid T-boning an old panel van that was slewed across the road ahead._ _

__Imagining that the driver must have suffered a heart attack or some such, Blair immediately jumped out of his car and hurried towards the driver’s side door._ _

__He didn’t make it._ _

__Strong arms seized him from behind, pinning his own arms to his sides and lifting him off his feet as if he were no more than a child. Even as he kicked and struggled, crying out in anger and fear, a sharp pain in his upper arm informed his terrified mind that he had been injected, and the effects of the substance kicked in almost immediately. Within seconds, Blair slumped senseless in the kidnapper’s hold.  
_ _

__\----------------------  
_ _

__**24 hours later – Suncrest Sanatorium, Portland, Oregon:**  
_ _

__William Ellison crossed his legs comfortably and smiled serenely at the man seated across the desk from him._ _

__“So, Dr Morgan. Have you had a chance to read the young man’s notes? I have to say, its’ a sorry tale, but I suspect you’ve had worse during your years as director of this establishment, am I right?”_ _

__“True, true, Mr Ellison” came the reply, with not a little obsequiousness in the tone._ _

__“I have to admit we have had some very sad cases through our hands, but not all have been hopeless, I assure you! And I should be only too happy to be able to provide some positive reports of progress in the future, although I confess that for the time being, I have to agree with your psychiatrist’s diagnosis. Poor Mr Sandburg is in a truly sorry condition at the moment.”_ _

__Arranging his face into a suitably sympathetic expression, William smiled gently as he replied._ _

__“I knew you’d understand, Dr Morgan. After all, your establishment comes very highly recommended, and I’m particularly impressed with your reputation for absolute discretion. In this particular case, I prefer that the young man’s presence be kept totally secret – for his own good, of course!” he hastened to add._ _

__“Poor Blair has had far too much adverse publicity in recent weeks, and any more can hardly be beneficial, don’t you think? And of course, I shall be glad to present you with my donation immediately as a gesture of gratitude and good faith if you agree to take the young man into your care...”_ _

__Sitting back, William smiled a trifle smugly as he watched the expressions his words conjured up on the Director’s pudgy and rather pompous face. In truth, he was completely satisfied by the emotions written large on the other’s features._ _

__Morgan was struggling to convey authentic sympathy even as the dollar signs fairly glowed in his somewhat piggy eyes, and William knew the bait had been taken. Sandburg was history as far as the PD and Jimmy were concerned, and all he had to do now was ensure all the bills were paid on time for however long it took._ _

__The paperwork clutched in Morgan’s greedy hands was genuine, insofar as it had been compiled by one of William’s Country Club acquaintances – a well-known and reputable psychiatrist who was presently enjoying a considerable financial contribution to his already successful practice._ _

__The contents, however, were pure fiction; a diagnosis generated entirely to satisfy William’s express desires in order to ensure the necessity of Blair’s indefinite incarceration in Suncrest Sanatorium._ _

__“I believe your young friend will have been processed and settled in his room by now, and will be awaiting his first interview with one of our resident psychiatrists. I have assigned Dr Smallfellow to Blair’s case, as he also has specific qualifications and experience in designing and administering personalised drug regimes. I’m sure he can prescribe a suitable combination that will help Blair settle down here. And I can promise you that we’ll continue to work with him to maintain a balanced and settled state at all times.”_ _

__“That’s all I can ask, Dr Morgan. And I’m quite happy to see Blair once more. I should like to be able to relay my observations to anyone who asks, and assure them that I have every confidence that his needs are being attended to...”  
_ _

__\---------------  
_ _

__As William followed Dr Morgan down several corridors to the secure wing, he silently congratulated himself on the success of his plans thus far._ _

__After the trouble-free kidnapping, Blair had been taken to an anonymous and out-of-the-way motel some distance from Cascade, where he was held overnight until it was time to transport him to Portland on William’s orders. The sleepy desk clerk at the motel had no idea of or interest in the actual number of people who would be using the rented rooms at the far end of the sparsely occupied and dimly-lit block, and never saw Blair’s unconscious body carried in._ _

__The young man had been kept sedated all the time, only being encouraged to rouse just enough to use the bathroom and be given bottled water, which also contained more sedative. William was certain that if Blair should have any recollection at all, it would be mere disjointed flashes, and no threat to either himself or his hired thugs._ _

__While he slept, one of the men had made an attempt to cut Blair’s hair. The ragged result was not very short, but considerably more so than he normally wore it, just enough to provide a little superficial change to his appearance. William had also provided different clothing, exchanging Blair’s usual attire for sweats and a casual hooded jacket. With the hood pulled up over Blair’s head, it was highly unlikely that he could be identified upon arrival at Suncrest, even if there was anyone there who could be bothered to look. Especially since William was confident that his employees would ensure that Sandburg would still be drowsy and cooperative enough to make his transfer to the waiting sanatorium staff simple and stress-free._ _

__And when William saw him next, Blair would already have been processed and ready to start his new life as an inmate.  
_ _

__\------------------  
_ _

__Entering the secure wing, Director Morgan opened the door to a private viewing suite where visitors could observe the occupants through a two-way mirror similar to those used in PD interview rooms. At the moment, however, the window was deliberately blanked until such time as the observers were ready to begin watching. Ushering William inside, he directed his guest to a comfortable armchair, but not before introducing him to the bespectacled and white-coated figure who awaited them._ _

__If he’d been so inclined, William might have smirked outright at the man before him, simply because at first glance he resembled the epitome of a comic-book nerdy scientist or ‘absent-minded professor.’_ _

__However, on closer examination, William quickly discerned the intelligence and shrewd calculation that sparked in the muddy eyes behind their thick lenses, and the man’s stance implied that he was far from as ineffectual as his physical appearance might otherwise suggest. After a brief pause, William offered him a satisfied nod and exchanged a glance of mutual recognition._ _

__“Mr Ellison, may I introduce Dr Smallfellow?” Morgan was saying._ _

__“I think that if would help if you were to fill him in on what you know of young Blair’s condition before he makes his first assessment. After all, we all want what’s best for the young man, don’t we? So I think we should pool our information, should we not?_ _

__“Now I know that Dr Smallfellow has had a quick read of Blair’s notes, but perhaps you would like to start by giving him the benefit of your observations?”_ _

__Taking his seat and smiling complacently at his listeners, William carefully rearranged his features into a look of sincere concern as he began._ _

__“Well, as I’ve already explained to Dr Morgan, I’m afraid that Blair’s story is a very sad one, but I suspect you’ll have heard worse. Nevertheless, I am happy to give you a summary of his life over the last four years, or at least, from the point of view of the impact he has had on my son._ _

__“You may be aware that my eldest son James is a respected army veteran, and a decorated police officer?” and he raised a quizzical eyebrow at his listeners. When they both nodded in confirmation he continued._ _

__“Now, you have to understand that young Blair is a very intelligent young man – according to Jimmy, he’s some sort of genius. Has been studying at Rainier University since he was sixteen or some such._ _

__“But about four years ago he contacted my son. Asked to ride with him as a civilian observer so he could write a paper on the Police Department. But it didn’t stop there, gentlemen. He wormed his way into Jim’s life, and then into his apartment._ _

__“And no, they are _not_ intimate!” he added with a frown, correctly interpreting the questioning glance Dr Smallfellow shot his way. _ _

__“However, over time Blair has become totally fixated on my son. He is obsessive about Jimmy’s career to the extent that he became positively delusional about his successful arrest record. Began to write about him as if he was some sort of Superman!_ _

__“And eventually his crazy fiction nearly caused a disaster at Cascade PD.”_ _

__“Yes, I do recall reading about that,” Smallfellow mused. “But didn’t Sandburg recant his story?”_ _

__“Well, yes he did,” allowed William, “But the damage was already done. My Jimmy was wounded, along with some other officers, and the University responded by kicking Blair out._ _

__“And I’m afraid that in the intervening weeks, Blair has grown even more depressed and delusional. He is a danger to himself, and possibly to others also. I may not be a psychiatrist, gentlemen, but I dare to call it a total breakdown. And he needs help._ _

__“Jimmy has too much integrity to kick him out to fend for himself, and is actually quite fond of him despite everything, so I agreed to help out._ _

__“After all, he has no one else to care for him, and so, for Jimmy’s sake, I took the liberty of researching the best options for Blair. And that, gentlemen, is where you and your establishment comes in,” and he sat back, confident he had made his case. The successful businessman in him relied a great deal on being able to manipulate his listeners; playing to their strengths and weaknesses as necessary and reading their body language, and he was satisfied with the expressions of mingled contemplation and acceptance on both doctors’ features._ _

__And even if they did ultimately have any doubts about his veracity, he was equally confident that his generous financial offer would quell any guilty feelings on that score._ _

__Sure enough, Morgan responded, face now displaying faux sympathy and understanding overlying a barely-concealed avarice._ _

__“He is a lucky young man indeed to have someone like you to support him, Mr Ellison,” he declared sanctimoniously. “There are few people charitable enough to take on such a burden, and I’m sure I speak for both of us here when we say we are committed to doing our very best to treat this unfortunate young man. You may rest assured on that count!_ _

__“Now, I think it’s time for young Blair’s first interview with my colleague,” and he glanced questioningly at Dr Smallfellow, who nodded eagerly before standing up and leaving the room._ _

__“Do you wish to listen in, or just take a last look at Blair before he is taken back to his room?”_ _

__“Oh, I don’t think I need to listen in,” William replied. “I have every confidence in you, and besides, I feel it would be too distressing...” and this time his reaction was genuine. He wasn’t a cruel man at heart, despite being more than tough enough to forge his way ahead in the business world, and dedicated to his sons’ welfare however they chose to interpret his intentions. And the decent core within ensured that he would always carry a measure of guilt for his course of action today._ _

__Director Morgan patted William’s forearm comfortingly as the synthetic concern on his face deepened, but his relief was obvious nonetheless._ _

__“Quite understandable, Mr Ellison!” he gushed. “I don’t blame you at all. It would be very distressing for you to witness the poor young man’s responses, I’m sure. I’ll just activate the mirror-window so you can take a last look at young Blair,” and he flicked a switch to reveal the room beyond, and its occupants._ _

__William couldn’t restrain himself from looking, but wished he hadn’t insisted upon it after all. The sight which confronted him jabbed painfully at his already guilty conscience, and was far worse than anything he could have conjured up in his imagination, and he would have preferred to have left it that way._ _

__Blair was revealed, tugging ineffectually at the grip that a white-uniformed behemoth of a care assistant had on his upper arm. The hard-faced and muscular man pulled his charge relentlessly over towards a hard chair bolted to the floor in the centre of the room. Apart from a plain desk and one further chair, the windowless room was otherwise unfurnished, and looked stark and cold._ _

__Despite his discomfort, William felt compelled to study Blair’s appearance, and his frown deepened at what he saw._ _

__Blair was now dressed in plain dark red scrubs, and wore a hospital-style identity wrist band and the type of ankle bracelet designed as a tracking device should he ever attempt to abscond. His feet were encased in institution slippers, which were his only other items of clothing. His unruly curls stood out every which way around his head, and haloed a face that was pale and drawn, the anxiety and distress palpable as he maintained his feeble struggles._ _

__Wide blue eyes were still glazed with the residual evidence of his drug-induced disorientation, and his movements were awkward and uncoordinated. He was plainly bordering on panic, and his lips moved continuously in a desperate attempt to utter coherent sounds._ _

__As the door opened again to reveal Dr Smallfellow, William got to his feet, urgently needing to make his escape from the upsetting scene unfolding before him._ _

__And as he exited the viewing suite, Blair finally found his voice, and his despairing wail followed William out of the room._ _

__“Jim! Please, man, help me! Jiiiiiiiim!” and then Director Morgan slammed the door on the broken-hearted plea.  
_ _

__\-------------------------  
_ _

__**Part 2: Truth be Told;**  
_ _

__**Jim, several weeks later, MCU bullpen:**  
_ _

__Jim slammed through the door of the bullpen before stalking over to his desk to slap down the file he was clutching in his hands._ _

__“I’m telling you, Captain, I’m _fine,_ OK? Just let me finish this interview....” _ _

__“Oh, I don’t _think_ so, Detective!” the man following him growled, looking every bit as angry as his subordinate. Marching purposefully past Jim, Simon snapped, “My office, Ellison, now!” and he continued to his room knowing that Jim would obey him even with bad grace. _ _

__Sure enough, seconds later Jim followed him into the office, scowling mutinously as he slumped down on the chair Simon pointed to in tacit command._ _

__Taking his own time getting seated behind his desk, Banks studied the man before him._ _

__Although physically fit now, his leg wound having healed well, Jim still looked awful. His face was drawn and marred with lines of stress and pain which warred with anger as Jim seethed in silent fury, teeth gritted and jaw muscles jumping as he fought to maintain some sort of control. Although Simon knew Jim was still working out as much as ever, he had lost weight, and looked exhausted._ _

__With a deep sigh, Simon asked pointedly, “So which senses are troubling you this time, Jim? And don’t even _think_ of giving me the ‘I’m fine’ bullshit! Ever since I returned to active duty, I’ve watched you getting worse, and Joel kept me in the loop while I was off. How can I help you if you won’t talk to me anymore – talk to anyone? Your colleagues won’t even stay in the same room as you if they can avoid it, and you can’t tell me you weren’t this close to tearing Roberts limb from limb just now!” and he held up his hand, thumb and forefinger held a mere fraction of an inch apart to demonstrate his point. _ _

__“Oh come on, Simon! I nearly had him! If you’d given me five more minutes you’d have his signed confession on your desk right now!”_ _

__“Or you’d be looking at suspension for pulping a suspect,” snapped Simon in response._ _

__“As it is, I’m sure Rafe will finish the job for you as the scumbag was so rattled by your performance, but this can’t happen again. You either get help, or you’re on permanent desk duty, OK?”_ _

__For long moments, it looked as if the infamous Ellison temper would get the better of him, but then with a deep sigh of his own, Jim deflated and sank back into his seat, hand rising to rub at his aching temples._ _

__“I’m sorry, Simon. You’re right. I know it can’t go on. I just...I just need to keep busy, you know? I can’t sleep worth shit wondering where he is, what’s happening to him, and you know yourself that every lead I’ve followed has been a dead end. And without him, the senses are worthless. Just like they were when I first came online. Nothing but trouble!” and he dropped his face into his hands for a moment in an effort to regain some semblance of composure._ _

__When he looked up again, it was to see his old friend and Captain’s eyes regarding him with sorrow and sympathy._ _

__“Look, Jim. Take the rest of the day off, OK? And as soon as I can get away, I’ll come over to the loft, and we can talk. We _need_ to talk, man. I need to know what’s really going on with you, and, to tell the truth, I’d like to talk about Blair. I think I need you to convince me that there’s still hope. You think you can do that?” _ _

__“I’ll surely try, Simon. But it might involve ‘Sentinel voodoo shit’,” Jim replied softly with a tiny grin._ _

__“Then so be it, Jim. Go on now, and I’ll be over in a few hours, OK?” and Simon watched as his friend heaved himself tiredly out of the chair, following the departing back as Jim grabbed his coat and left the bullpen, shoulders slumped in defeat. And all the while his own face was creased in concern, a part of which was on his own account.  
_ _

__\-----------------------  
_ _

__**Around the same time, Blair’s Room, Suncrest Sanatorium:**  
_ _

__Blair sat on his small bed, staring listlessly at the locked door of his room, and picking and twisting at his wristband in an unconscious nervous habit. He knew that very soon Bud would come to take him to the cafeteria for lunch. He knew this, because although he no longer had any real concept of the passage of time, his tummy was growling quietly in hunger and he was in that brief interval when the effects of his morning dose of medication were wearing off, and his mind was enjoying a few fleeting moments of almost-lucidity._ _

__He knew he wouldn’t be able to eat much. He never did, having little appetite for the food on offer, and besides, the medication he would inevitably be given then made him feel a little nauseous anyway. But if he was good, and ate enough to satisfy Bud, perhaps he would be allowed to go to the Common Room for a few hours. He could sit with some of the other ‘residents’ and watch endless re-runs of ancient Westerns and sit-coms on the TV. Not exciting, to be sure, but so much better than sitting alone in his room, lost in his head and once again unable to break through the drug-induced fog that clouded his mind 90% of the time, making his brain feel like it was wrapped in cotton batting._ _

__If Jim or Naomi, or anyone else who knew him could see him now, they would be shocked at his appearance even if Blair himself had no idea or interest in how he looked. His hair was even shorter now, the tight curls clinging to his head and making him appear much younger and more vulnerable._ _

__The arms protruding from the short sleeves of his scrub top were thin, as was the rest of his body, and what muscle tone he had once had had virtually disappeared with the lack of opportunities for real exercise and the general lassitude in which his constant drugged state left him. His eyes were huge in a thin, pale face, skin stretched taut over prominent cheekbones, and when not completely dulled by drugs, his expression was one of haunted anxiety, and no little fear._ _

__Because Blair had learned all about fear._ _

__In the short period preceding his next dose of medication, he would have flashes of cognisance and memories also, disjointed and surreal to be sure, but breaking through the fog surrounding his brain like occasional sunbeams through cloud on an overcast day._ _

__During those times he could recall people and events, even if he wasn’t sure if they were real or illusory, figments of a fractured but once over-active imagination. One figure in particular stood out. Someone who had meant so much to him, he was sure, but who had vanished from his life as it was now, as if he had never been. Jim? _Oh Jim – please come back...come get me....._ _ _

__The worst of them usually occurred at night when he would awaken, screaming in terror at the nightmare-ish scenes. He would lie shuddering in his small cot, sure that he had been somewhere like this before; somewhere where an evil man had chased him, and he’d run in fear of his life._ _

__But that time there had been someone there to save him. Jim? Not like here. There was no one here to save him now._ _

__At other times he could recall being able to talk freely. He had done a lot of that when he had first arrived here. He had tried endlessly to earn his freedom, explaining, cajoling, demanding; only to be told over and over again that he was deluding himself._ _

__There were no friends pushing for his release. No Jim, no Captain Banks and no mother who wanted anything to do with him now, or who cared what became of him._ _

__He was nothing but a cheat, a fraud and a liar. _‘Liar, liar, pants on fire!’_ and he had to stay here until he learned not to lie any more. Until he was cured. The people in charge would make sure that he did. _ _

__And when his thought processes allowed, he would consider those people. There was Dr Smallfellow. Oh yeah, he was small – no taller than Blair was – but he was powerful. He had the power to force Blair to cooperate. He would listen to Blair, then shake his head in irritation and give Blair more medication. Sometimes in injections, which Blair hated, but usually as pills or syrups. And always enough to quench any spark of resistance until Blair was meek and compliant, obediently doing everything he was told to do._ _

__Because on other occasions he remembered when he had still had the strength to resist; and those memories were terrifying indeed. He had been dragged literally kicking and screaming to that dreadful tiny room with no windows and padded walls, and lights that never went out. His clothes were torn off, and he was left naked and alone until he had screamed himself out. And only when he had broken down and pleaded for forgiveness had he been released and given his clothes back._ _

__He learned very quickly to behave. Any hint of disobedience would be punished by Bud, his usual ‘carer’. Because Blair knew that Bud was mean. The huge, muscular male nurse actually enjoyed hurting Blair, so was only too pleased to be given the excuse to do so. True, he couldn’t mark up his charges too much, because the doctors didn’t like that, but he could shake, pinch and paw at them, the small hurts designed to upset and humiliate._ _

__Just then the door of his room opened, and Bud was there._ _

__“Come along, Runt. Time for lunch,” and Blair jumped up from his bed as quickly as he could, eager to please and avoid further punishment....  
_ _

__\----------------------  
_ _

__**Later that afternoon, The Loft:**  
_ _

__Entering 852 Prospect, Simon made his way up to #307, glad that the ancient elevator was working, because his still-sore back was complaining from too much strain after a long day at the PD. Arriving at the door, he raised his hand to knock, fully expecting it to open before his fist made contact, the Sentinel within having heard his approach from god knew how far away. It had been a standing joke while Blair had been living at the loft with Jim, and Simon had always made a point of scowling and mock-complaining, but this time it hadn’t happened, and he was worried. Knocking anyway, he waited._ _

__A few seconds elapsed and then the door opened to reveal a pale and haggard Jim, stress lines even more deeply etched on his handsome face, and wincing with what Simon could only imagine were spikes in either hearing or touch._ _

__“Come on in, Simon,” Jim muttered. “’Scuse the mess. I meant to have a clean-up, but my head’s killing me right now. Sorry.” And he preceded his friend into the kitchen._ _

__“Wanna beer, or coffee?” he asked, waving a languid hand towards the refrigerator._ _

__“If you wanna beer, I’ll have one too. Can’t seem to drink coffee today – too much...” and he sat down wearily on one of the kitchen chairs._ _

__Keeping his voice deliberately low, Simon asked, “Jesus, Jim! How long has this been going on? I mean, I know you’ve been having a bad time at the PD lately, but this! This is extreme!”_ _

__“Oh, it’s been worse, Simon, believe me! I’ve just managed to control it enough at the PD so’s I could function. At least a little,” and he snickered ruefully before clutching his head again._ _

__“Gotta say it used to be easier once I got home, but even that’s not working so well now.”_ _

__At his friend’s puzzled expression, he continued, a wry smile stretching his lips._ _

__“See, Simon, while I could use this, it was OK,” and he held up a scruffy-looking plaid shirt that Simon had no difficulty in recognising as Blair’s._ _

__“As long as I could smell him – use his scent to ground me – I could manage. I even carried one of his hair ties in my pocket during the day so I could ‘sense’ his essence._ _

__“But now everything’s beginning to fade. Even his pillow smells more like me than him now, and everything is just getting too much. If I can’t turn it off, I think I’m going to go mad. And since the fountain, it seems turning it off is no longer an option,” he added, almost to himself._ _

__“Oh, shit, Jim! I had no idea! Look, let me get us a couple beers, and let’s talk, OK? See if we can’t figure out some way to deal with this,” and Simon reached into the refrigerator and pulled out the bottles. Popping off the caps, he handed one to Jim as he sat down opposite, trying to get his reeling thoughts together before speaking again._ _

__After long moments, he finally said, “OK, Jim. I know this is going to be hard for me – hell, you warned me about Sentinel voodoo, I know! But I’m prepared to listen now, my friend, because you need help. And I want to give you as much as I can whether I’m comfortable with it or not._ _

__“So, what can you tell me about Blair? I don’t mean what he did – does- for you, because if I never recognised before quite how important he was to you, I sure do now! No, what I want to know is if your ‘connection’ is still there. Or is he really dead...?” and the big man’s voice tailed off in genuine apprehension as he fixed his worried gaze on Jim._ _

__“Well, um, as to what you said before, actually _your_ presence helps me, Simon. Not like Blair’s, but it does ground me a little to a certain extent. And no, I’m not talking intimacy here. It’s OK, Simon – don’t worry! Even Blair and I hadn’t taken that step, although I wish to god I’d had the balls to ask him!” Jim added quietly, staring at the floor between his feet. _ _

__“Anyhow,” he continued briskly, giving himself a visible shake, “I really believe he’s still alive. I know it sounds clichéd, but I would know if he were dead. Because I think I would be too._ _

__“Having said that, the connection I always tried to deny is still there. Not strong, but there. He’s alive, Simon, but in such pain...” and here Jim’s voice faltered and cut out completely as he lowered his face into his hands and cried._ _

__For several seconds, Simon sat, flabbergasted at Jim’s words, until his friend’s distress overrode his astonishment. Moving quickly over to Jim’s side, he hunkered down and pulled the other man’s head into his shoulder, rubbing his back in soothing circles like he used to do for Daryl when his son was younger._ _

__“It’s OK, Jim. I’m here, and I’ll help you, I promise. We’ll find him. I don’t know how, but I swear we’ll find him, or die trying!” and he was secretly amazed to find that he meant every word.  
_ _

__\----------------------  
_ _

__Much later, the two men continued their discussion. Jim had pulled himself together, and phoned for a pizza to be delivered so he and Simon could take their time making their decisions. He was pleased to find that he could actually eat a reasonable portion of the meal himself without too much distaste, and felt better for it. For his part, Simon was quietly gratified that his presence was helping his old friend, and was determined to try to come up with some way of controlling the senses at least enough for Jim to function normally again._ _

__“So, Jim. Would it help if I was to move in, or you move in with me for a while? Only until we find Blair, of course. Just to keep you grounded a bit. Because I’m thinking that perhaps if I can help you to ‘dial them all down’ like Blair taught you to do, you can keep them at normal levels and not try to use them until your Guide is back. And if you’re not using them, perhaps they’ll turn off?” he finished hopefully._ _

__Frowning in thought, Jim pondered Simon’s suggestion for a while, truly grateful for the man’s offer even if his first instinct was to deny the need for help. However, common sense told him that this was something he couldn’t do alone, and if he was to continue looking for Blair, he needed to be at least functioning adequately. Making his decision, he looked up again to meet Simon’s concerned gaze._ _

__“Thanks, Simon. You’re a good friend, and I really appreciate your offer. You know me - stubborn as hell – but I think you’re right, and much as I’d like to insist I can manage on my own, it’s not going to happen. And if I want any chance of tracking Blair down, I can’t do it while I’m fighting sensory spikes._ _

__“If you’re really sure, let’s try it your way. You can move in here, and I’ll practice dialling everything down to normal and keeping it there. No more trying to use the senses until Blair’s back. And if – when - we find him he wants nothing more to do with me – and I certainly wouldn’t blame him if he felt that way – I’ll do my best to keep them down permanently. I don’t want them if I can’t have my Guide.”_ _

__“Fair enough, Jim. I’ll get some stuff together tonight so I’ll be ready to move in after work tomorrow. Hopefully you won’t need me for too long, but we’ll take it on a day-by-day basis, OK? Now, before I go, how about giving me your run-down on what progress you’ve made in the search? I know Joel tried to give me as much detail as possible while I was absent, but I’d like the chance to talk it over properly. Hear your side of things.”_ _

__“OK, Simon. Guess it’s probably best if I start at the beginning. I’ll get us some fresh coffee and we can get comfortable, OK?”  
_ _

__\--------------------  
_ _

__Sitting in front of the fire, mugs of coffee in their hands, Jim began._ _

__“You’ll already know that Blair was snatched the night of the badge presentation. He’d told me he was taking Naomi to the airport, but made a quick detour via 852 to unload the boxes he brought back from his office. Had to make room in the car for Naomi and her luggage, I guess. Anyway, I already know that he made the airport OK, and that Naomi’s flight took off on time. CCTV footage shows them arriving, and having a drink in the coffee shop there._ _

__“However, for some reason he didn’t take the direct route back to Prospect. He must have decided to have a bit of a drive around to prepare himself for our talk. Because I was going to talk, Simon! I was finally prepared to talk about anything he wanted to know. Anyhow, it was getting very late, and I was worried. Even if he was having a short detour, I knew he wouldn’t pass up the opportunity to have a heart-to-heart._ _

__“And then I got the call from Joel. His car was found at the corner of Baxter and Harborview in that derelict warehouse district. Pure chance it was found so soon by a security patrol doing a routine drive-by, so it hadn’t been vandalised yet. Anyhow, I got a unit to pick me up and take me to the scene, hoping to get some evidence, but there was nothing. I mean, yes, I could scent Blair, and he was definitely afraid, but there was nothing else of any use. And no witnesses._ _

__“From the tyre tracks, it looks like some type of van or large vehicle was pulled across the road, and Blair had to brake to avoid hitting it. And Blair being Blair, well, I guess he wouldn’t have thought twice about checking to see if everything was OK. Kid always did act on what his heart told him before his sense of self-preservation kicked in,” he added sadly._ _

__“Anyhow, once forensics had finished checking the scene, and arranged for the Volvo to be towed to the PD compound, I went back to the office and started to search for any lead I could think of._ _

__“And I really tried, Simon. Over the next few hours I pulled up CCTV footage and ticket information for bus and train stations, and the airlines also. I checked hospitals for admissions, traffic for incidents. Shit, I even checked the morgues! And everyone in MCU helped as much as they could. Still are, when they can. Huh, if Blair ever wondered how important he was to the department, there was plenty of proof. Even Megan came in despite the fact she was still supposed to be on sick leave. We must have covered every option many times over._ _

__“And yes, I know you would have been there if you could, Simon._ _

__“Anyhow, I pulled in some markers from acquaintances from my more clandestine past, but all with no result so far. You know yourself I’ve kept looking, even when I had to get on with pursuing other cases. He just seems to have vanished off the face of the Earth. And I’m running out of ideas where to look next,” and Jim tailed off dispiritedly._ _

__Reaching over to pat Jim’s knee reassuringly, Simon murmured, “It’s OK, Jim. Thanks for confiding in me. I mean, it’s one thing to read reports and such, but its way better to hear it from the horse’s mouth, so to speak. Puts things in proper perspective, especially in view of how your senses are reacting now._ _

__“So,” he continued, putting down his empty mug and preparing to stand. “I’ll get going now, and get my things together. And I’ll see you at the PD bright and early, and we’ll take it from there. Sleep well, Jim,” and he turned to go, leaving a slightly happier Jim behind him.  
_ _

__\-------------------------  
_ _

__**Part 3: Truth Will Out:**  
_ _

__**Two weeks later, Suncrest Sanatorium:**  
_ _

__When the breakthrough finally came, it was from a completely unexpected quarter. Blair had been trying his hardest to be a model patient, partly to escape further punishment where possible, but mostly because in his more lucid moments he realised that the better he behaved, the less drugs Dr Smallfellow felt compelled to give him. The egotistical doctor truly believed that his regimen thus far had rendered Blair compliant enough that he was no longer a danger to himself, or the flight risk they had previously expected him to be._ _

__The outcome therefore was that with the reduced dosage, Blair gradually began to experience longer periods of relative clarity, enough so that Director Morgan gave the go-ahead for him to be rewarded with a little more in the way of occupational therapy._ _

__Blair was thrilled when a disgruntled Bud informed him that he could choose an activity or handicraft, and the following day he approached his basket weaving class with something almost approaching a bounce in his step._ _

__Ignoring the sneer of disdain from his carer, the class teacher welcomed the young man, pleased to have another addition to her small workgroup. Settling him down with the appropriate craft materials, she gently began to explain the methods she was demonstrating, only to find that her new student already seemed to know the basics, and happily began to work alone after gracing her with a lovely smile. Pleased with his attitude and capability, she studied him covertly during the rest of the session, in between helping out her other charges, and came to a surprising conclusion._ _

__Now the kindly middle-aged teacher’s name was Berthe Hollinger, and she had been voluntarily teaching handicrafts at Suncrest Sanatorium and one or two other such establishments in the Portland area for some years now. However, it wasn’t so very long ago when she had still called herself ‘Moonflower’, the name she had adopted along with the hippie lifestyle she willingly embraced as a young girl. Despite having settled down somewhat in recent years, she still maintained contact with many of the friends she made in her youth, Naomi Sandburg being one of them._ _

__Berthe recalled when the young Naomi had joined with her own group of friends at a music festival, and had become very fond of the baby the beautiful redhead had brought with her. Even after they had split up and gone their separate ways, they had kept in touch sporadically, and occasionally ran into each other at various festivals and alternative cultural gatherings over the years, and Berthe had watched young Blair grow from beautiful baby into a happy and inquisitive boy._ _

__Although it had been some years now since she had last seen him, certainly well before he had settled at Rainier University, she had spoken to Naomi only six months ago. Her friend had called her to explain about her disastrous attempt to interfere in Blair’s academic life. Naomi had been in floods of tears, and told Berthe that she was on her way to a mutual friend’s retreat in Taos to ‘process’, and was intending to give Blair some space in which to work out how to face the future without her disruptive influence._ _

__Berthe hadn’t heard from her since, but she was convinced that her taciturn new student was none other than Naomi’s son. She had no idea as to how or why he had come to be at Suncrest, but she knew she wouldn’t rest until she found out everything she could._ _

__And then she intended to get him out of here, one way or another. Because he certainly didn’t belong in this place, whatever had happened to him. No way would Naomi allow her beloved boy to be institutionalised, of that Berthe was certain._ _

__At the end of the session, Berthe approached Bud as he collected his charge to take him back to his room._ _

__“Hey, Bud,” she began, forcing herself to smile amiably at the scowling man. “I know you’re not allowed to tell me anything confidential about my students, but this young man hasn’t told me his name,” and she gently ruffled Blair’s curls as he ducked his head shyly in response._ _

__“I like to at least be able to call them by their given name, and it doesn’t seem to be on his wristband?” and she fixed him with a quizzical and innocent gaze._ _

__Although he would have preferred to ignore the old biddy, Bud knew it was more than his job was worth to upset the volunteers, so he grudgingly replied. “His name’s Blair. He doesn’t talk much. Bit of a nuisance when he first arrived, but he’s quieter now. But if you have any trouble with him, just let me know!” and he stared balefully down at Blair’s bent head._ _

__“Oh no, I’m sure he’ll do just fine!” Berthe responded quickly. “I just like to get to know my pupils a bit better is all! Thank you Bud. ‘Bye, Blair. See you on Thursday,” and she turned to start tidying up the workspace, maintaining a carefree air even if inside she was seething with anger.  
_ _

__\-----------------------  
_ _

__As soon as she had finished work for the day, Berthe hurried home to look up the number for the retreat in Taos. On finding what she was looking for, she immediately dialled up, praying that Naomi hadn’t already moved on._ _

__A few moments later, she was talking to the owner of the retreat, explaining that she needed to contact Naomi urgently._ _

__“Hi, Sharron. It’s me, Berthe. Berthe Hollinger? Look, darling, is Naomi Sandburg still staying with you? You know I wouldn’t normally pester your guests when they’re trying to find themselves, but it really is important I speak to her.”_ _

__“Well, as you say, I normally wouldn’t allow it, but I know you, Sweetie, and I know you wouldn’t be calling for anything trivial. And if it’s anything to do with Blair, then I’m sure she’ll want to know. One moment, Sweetie, and I’ll fetch her.”_ _

__A few minutes later, Berthe heard Naomi’s somewhat breathless voice saying, “Berthe, darling. Sharron says you need to talk to me urgently. Is this about Blair? Because I have to say I’ve been having some disturbing feelings about him lately, although I put them down to the discord that was still between us when I left. Should I call Jim? Do you know if anything’s wrong?”_ _

__“Calm down, Naomi, and let me explain. I might be interfering where I’m not wanted, but I don’t think so. Look, are you sure that Blair’s still in Cascade? When did you speak to him last?”_ _

__“To be honest, Berthe, I haven’t called him since I’ve been here. I wanted to give him space, you know. To work out his relationship with Jim without my presence to distract them. There was such a lot of healing needed, you see?”_ _

__“OK. Well, what I’m about to say is going to come as a shock then, darling. You know I teach crafts at a few institutions around Portland? Well, today I had a new addition to my class at Suncrest Sanatorium, and I’m sure it was your Blair. He was very pale and thin, and barely spoke, but I think it’s your son, Naomi. I think you should call his friends immediately and find out if he’s still there with them, or if they know where he went, because he shouldn’t be here, Naomi. Suncrest isn’t a good place to be.”_ _

__“Oh goddess! Yes, Berthe, I’ll call straight away. Can you leave your number, and I’ll call you back as soon as I know anything. I need you to keep a watch over him if it truly is my Blair. Because I have a really bad feeling that it is...”_ _

__A few minutes later Naomi rang off, having obtained Berthe’s home telephone number. Hurriedly explaining the situation to Sharron, she called Major Crimes in Cascade, certain that Jim would still be at work at that time of day. Tapping her fingers impatiently as she was put through, she felt an enormous surge of relief when the call was answered._ _

__“Ellison!”_ _

__“Oh Jim, thank the goddess! Look Jim, I need to speak to Blair. Is he there with you?” and she prayed to every deity she could think of for an affirmative answer._ _

__“Naomi? What do you want? Blair hasn’t been seen or heard of since dropping you off at the airport! What do you know? Tell me!!”_ _

__“Oh Jim. Oh goddess! It’s true then,” Naomi whispered, almost to herself._ _

__“Come on Naomi! Talk to me! I’ve been at my wits’ end trying to find your son, so tell me everything you know!”_ _

__As he listened impatiently, he waved frantically at Simon, who was peering around his office door, wondering what Ellison was shouting for. When Jim caught his eye, and made urgent signs that he listen in, Banks picked up the nearest extension to hear Naomi Sandburg’s next words._ _

__“I think Blair’s in Portland, Jim. I don’t know how or why, but a friend of mine called me just a few minutes ago. She teaches crafts voluntarily at some local institutions, and she’s certain that Blair’s at one called Suncrest Sanatorium. She saw him today when he joined her class, and she’s sure it’s my Blair. We have to do something, _now!”_ _ _

__“Jesus, Naomi. And you’ve only just found this out? OK, OK. Right...,” and Jim fought to control his turbulent emotional response to Naomi’s information. Knowing that he needed to remain calm and focussed, he took a deep breath and then said, “OK, Naomi. Give me the details, and I’ll get on to them immediately. If there’s the faintest possibility that you’re right, then I’m going there right now. Can I get in touch with you at that number?”_ _

__“Yes, Jim, I’ll be here. Just find him, Jim. As soon as you know anything, anything at all, please call me!” and giving Jim the number for the retreat, she rang off, and almost fell into Sharron’s comforting embrace.  
_ _

__\--------------------  
_ _

__Back in the bullpen, a shocked Simon Banks shared an incredulous gaze with Jim. “Is it true, Jim? Do you think there’s anything in it?”_ _

__“I think so, Simon. It’s the best lead we’ve had so far – hell, it’s the _only_ lead! Look, I know I told Naomi I’d contact the place, but I’m not sure it’s a good idea. If there’s some nefarious reason behind his being there, I don’t want to risk putting him in danger, or frightening the perps off. I’m going to go there, though, Simon. Right now!” _ _

__“OK, OK, Jim. Yes, I agree with you, but you’re not going alone. I’m coming too. I need to see him also,” and Jim nodded in understanding. However Simon might appear to Blair, he was genuinely fond of the young man, and Jim knew for a fact that Blair’s safety meant almost as much to his friend and Captain as it did to him._ _

__Beckoning Joel over, the three of them went into Simon’s office to draw up some hasty plans. As it was a reasonable time to finish, Simon suggested that he and Jim leave as soon as possible to return to the loft to grab a few items for an overnight stay. Leaving Joel in temporary charge of the MCU in their absence, Jim and Simon intended to drive to Portland, setting off as soon as they were ready, the idea being to cover a good part of the journey that night. At some point, they would stop at a motel for a few hours’ break before carrying on to their destination, because neither man wanted to waste any extra time in finding out the truth._ _

__As they made to leave, Joel squeezed Jim’s arm as he said feelingly, “Good luck, Jim. I’ll pray for you, and for Blair. Bring him home, Jim. We all miss him.” And Jim knew his friend was sincere. The ex-Bomb Squad Captain had always had a soft spot for Blair, and the young man’s absence had hit him harder than most._ _

__“I will, Joel. If it’s within my power, I’ll bring him home.” And with a final determined nod, he turned and strode out of the bullpen, Simon at his shoulder.  
_ _

__\----------------------  
_ _

__**Late morning, next day: Portland, OR:**  
_ _

__Simon eased his sedan over to the side of the road, giving him and his passenger the opportunity to study their destination. They had made far better time than they had anticipated, simply because they were so focussed on their mission. They had spelled each other driving throughout the night, only stopping eventually to grab a short nap and the opportunity to stretch out in a motel bed, and the chance to shower and change. Breakfast had been from a drive-thru burger bar a couple of hours ago, and now they were ready to confront the administrators of the institution spread out before them._ _

__Suncrest Sanatorium was certainly impressive at first glance. Set in a leafy suburb of Portland, it looked every inch like the stately home it was intended to be when built by a local well-to-do family at the beginning of the twentieth century. Although it had been added to once it became a sanatorium, the new buildings were in keeping with the original architectural style, and the enclosed grounds were beautifully maintained. All-in-all, it looked peaceful and attractive, and gave no indication of the misery hidden within its walls._ _

__“What do you think, Jim? Are you getting any ‘vibes’ from it? ‘Cause I have to say, it looks like a pretty exclusive – and expensive - type of place.”_ _

__“I agree, Simon. But ever since we reached Portland, I’ve been feeling sort of – I don’t know – antsy? If it means what I think it does, I think my senses are beginning to respond to something; some stimulus; and I’m pretty sure that the likely cause is my Guide’s presence. Can you help ground me, Simon? Because I’m ready to try to use my senses again.”_ _

__Although he was more than a little uncomfortable with the responsibility, Simon nodded in agreement. “OK, Jim. I’d be lying if I said I’m confident about this, but I’ll do my best. What do you need me to do?”_ _

__“Just grip my arm – keep touching me. I’m going to try to open my hearing to see if I can pick up his heartbeat. If he’s there, I’ll recognise it. And if I start to zone, yell at me or something, OK?” he finished with a wry half-grin._ _

__Taking a deep and cleansing breath, Jim looked towards the building again, unconsciously cocking his head in a ‘listening’ pose. As Simon maintained a firm grip on his forearm, he carefully dialled up his hearing notch by notch, greatly relieved to find that the action was smoothly successful. Within a few minutes he had pinpointed a beloved sound. Blair’s heartbeat, without question. As a slow and delighted smile began to light up his face, he turned to look at his friend._ _

__“He’s here, Simon! Blair’s here! I can hear his heartbeat, no doubt about it. Come, on, let’s get in there!” and stared at the building again, hand on the door handle and now desperate to hold his Guide in his arms again._ _

__“That’s great, Jim! I mean, that’s wonderful! But hold on just a few more minutes, man. I’m as keen to go in as you, Jim. Well nearly so, I guess, but we need to take a moment. We can’t just barge in there demanding to see him. I know it’ll be hard, but try to relax a little. Take a few deep breaths and find your centre, or whatever the kid would tell you to do. We won’t do him any favours if we go in there half-cocked and give them a reason to hurt him. If there was ever a time to use our best skill at ‘obfuscation’, this is it. You with me?”_ _

__Although almost vibrating with impatience, Jim knew Simon was talking sense. Determinedly getting himself under control, he nodded brusquely and sat back in his seat. “You’re right, Simon. I’d never forgive myself if my anger caused him to be hurt again. I’m ready now.”_ _

__Simon nodded approvingly. “OK, Jim, time to get your Guide back,” and he put the car into drive, and approached the wide wrought iron gates. He lowered his window to speak into the intercom, grateful for the information he had had Rhonda pull up and phone through to him from the sanatorium’s website._ _

__“Good morning. We’re here to see Director Morgan on a routine Health and Safety matter...?” and he looked up and smiled easily into the security camera, keeping his expression calm and neutral. Almost immediately they were buzzed in, and the gates swung back smoothly to let them pass. As he drove slowly up the sweeping driveway to the main entrance, Simon muttered snidely, “Well, so far so good. Guess we must look harmless enough, eh? Or suitably official!” and he huffed humourlessly at his own words._ _

__He wasn’t surprised when he received no answer, and a brief glance at his friend showed Jim holding himself rigidly, jaw clenched and steely gaze focussed intently on the building ahead, undoubtedly checking out every detail with the trained eye of the special ops soldier he had once been._ _

__Pulling into a visitor’s parking bay, the pair climbed out of the car and entered the building, keeping their movements unhurried and as natural as possible. At the Reception desk, Simon grinned at the prim middle-aged woman seated there._ _

__“Good morning. We’re here to see Director Morgan. Just a routine visit, but I’m sure it’s one he won’t want to miss. Health and Safety, you know...?” and he allowed his smile to turn just a little wolfish as the woman frowned a bit at his tone. Looking from Simon to Jim’s stern and cold-eyed expression, she swallowed a trifle nervously and replied, “Well, he doesn’t usually see people without a prior appointment. He is a very busy man, you understand? But maybe I can get you in...” and she got to her feet, offering them a small smile over her shoulder as she bustled into the inner office._ _

__Moments later she emerged, preceded by a plump and well-dressed man. A practiced smile graced a puffy and self-possessed face, and small but shrewd eyes sized them up as he approached, hand held out in polite welcome._ _

__“Good morning, gentlemen. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Director Morgan. Moira here tells me you’re here on a Health and Safety issue? I have to admit, I’ve never had an impromptu visit like this before. Perhaps you would like to follow me into my office where we can discuss this more privately?”_ _

__Even as he returned the smile, Simon sneaked a sideways glance at Jim, and received a tiny nod in response._ _

__“That sounds like a plan, Director Morgan. We would be most happy to continue this in private. I always prefer to keep things civilised, don’t you agree?” and Simon moved to follow the man into his office, knowing that Jim was using his re-emerging senses to scan the man minutely._ _

__Once inside, and behind closed doors, Morgan turned to face them again. Indicating two comfortable armchairs, he moved behind his large desk and settled himself, plainly waiting for his visitors to follow suit._ _

__Simon and Jim duly obliged, and then Simon brought out the big guns._ _

__“Perhaps we should introduce ourselves now,” he began with a predatory grin. Getting straight to the point, he continued, “Captain Simon Banks, Major Crimes Unit, Cascade PD at your service. And this is my colleague, Detective Jim Ellison. We understand you have a patient here by the name of Blair Sandburg. He is here under false pretences, and we are here to take custody of Mr Sandburg and return him to Cascade.” Sitting back in his seat, he stared at Morgan over the rim of his spectacles and smiled expectantly, expression determined but courteous, prepared to cut the man a little slack if he cooperated willingly._ _

__As for Jim, his now fully-online senses told him that the man was more than a little shocked. His heart was beating a rapid tattoo in his chest, and sentinel sight could easily make out the sweat popping up along the receding hairline. Add to that the pungent scent of fear, and he was certain that Morgan had plenty to hide._ _

__Eyes flicking rapidly backwards and forwards between his visitors, Morgan resorted to bluster. “I’m sorry, gentlemen, but I don’t understand? You said this was a Health and Safety issue? What can two Cascade policemen want with Suncrest?”_ _

__“I apologise for any misunderstanding, Director Morgan,” Simon replied smoothly, “But it actually _is_ a health and safety issue. It is Mr Sandburg’s health and safety which concerns us. Now, if you wouldn’t mind, we would like to see him immediately.” _ _

__“You can’t do that! You need a warrant! I cannot allow you to remove one of our patients without the correct paperwork. I must ask you to leave now, and come back once you have the necessary forms. Then, and only then, will I consider letting you see Mr Sandburg.”_ _

__Jim had to give the man his due. Although plainly anxious, he was trying to comply with the rule of law, which normally would be an honourable approach. Unfortunately, Jim’s sensory evidence suggested that Morgan’s bluster was for his own self-protection rather than that of his patient, and he was certain that if they were to do as he asked and leave, Blair most certainly wouldn’t be here when they returned._ _

__Shaking his head slowly, Jim spoke for the first time. Staring at Morgan, but directing his words at Simon, his tone was deceptively mild as he said, “I guess Director Morgan has a point, Captain. How about you go get the necessary permits signed off, and I’ll stay here and wait for you? I’m sure Director Morgan will have no argument with letting me see Blair, and I’ll make sure he’s ready to go as soon as you get the OK.”_ _

__“Sounds good to me, Jim. And I’m happy to go see the nearest available judge. But I think I’d like to see Mr Sandburg for myself before I leave. I mean, that wouldn’t pose a problem for you, would it?” and he fixed Morgan with an intimidating stare of his own._ _

__Gulping noisily, Morgan pushed himself back in his seat, eyes flicking erratically from side to side as if expecting reinforcements to burst in at any moment. Simon and Jim let him stew for a while longer, gratified when he suddenly capitulated. Trying to regain some semblance of composure, the Director finally spoke._ _

__“All right. All right! I can’t and won’t agree to your taking Mr Sandburg without a warrant, but I’ll allow Detective Ellison to sit with him. You’ll have to come with me to the secure wing though. Is that acceptable?” and he regarded them nervously, tacitly seeking their approval._ _

__Nodding firmly, Jim rose to his feet. “Lead the way, Director. The sooner we see Mr Sandburg for ourselves, the better.”_ _

__Before the seriously rattled man could change his mind, the two tall cops more or less herded him out of his own office, ignoring the look of wide-eyed shock on the Receptionist’s face. They took up positions on either side of him as he turned to make his way down the several corridors leading to the secure wing, almost trotting in his hurry to reach his goal._ _

__He wasn’t the only one to increase his pace as they progressed deeper into the building. Jim could feel the pull of Blair’s presence, and the yearning to see his Guide grew stronger with every step. By the time they reached the locked doors, he was several paces in front, his burning gaze focussed on the barriers keeping him from his partner._ _

__“Open them. Now!” he growled, and Morgan could have sworn that he heard the snarl of a big cat echoing the demand. Hands trembling minutely from anxiety, Morgan punched in the appropriate code, and the doors opened to reveal a scene from Jim’s worst nightmare._ _

__In complete contrast to the luxurious decor of the main building, this was a bare and utilitarian corridor, and part way down there was a nurses’ station, where a grim-faced male nurse sat, apparently reading a girlie magazine. Beyond that there were locked doors to either side, each fitted with a small inspection panel of toughened glass. As Jim strode ahead uninvited, the man raised his head to protest when he received a quick head shake from Morgan. Sitting back, he glowered as Jim glanced through the panes which each revealed tiny, bare rooms; scrupulously clean to be sure, but furnished with the sparse basics normally found in prison cells. Even worse was the sight of the inmates, nearly all of whom lay or sat listlessly on their hard cots, eyes hopeless and dulled with the gods only knew what drugs._ _

__“Jesus H Christ!” muttered Simon, the unaccustomed blasphemy an indication of his deep shock. “What sort of place is this? Do you call this treating the mentally ill? I thought this sort of crap ended decades ago!” and he followed Jim further down, peering through several windows in his turn_ _

__Morgan ducked his head and declined to answer, realising that nothing he said now was going to placate the two cops. He was just going to have to trust that Dr Smallfellow and his colleagues could come up with a convincing explanation. Instead, he coughed to attract their attention and opened the door to the very viewing room that William had occupied so many weeks before. He had intended to follow his usual practice of ushering his visitors inside before they had a chance to really check out the rest of the wing, but that was a forlorn hope now._ _

__Faces like thunder, and reflecting their disgust, the two friends marched back up and pushed into the viewing room, to be struck once again by the contrast within. The viewing room was almost homey, with comfortable armchairs and walls painted in pastel shades adorned with a couple of serene landscapes. It was plainly designed to comfort and reassure anyone visiting an inmate of this wing, but had no power to influence Simon and Jim._ _

__Swinging around to get right into Morgan’s face, Jim fixed him with a glare of deep hatred and sneering disgust, jaw twitching as he struggled to contain the urge to attack. He had noted the many security cameras during their progress, both overt and more discreet, and he was well aware that he would be of no use to Blair if he was caught on film ripping Morgan’s head from his shoulders. Nevertheless, the man cringed back when Jim snarled, “Tell me he’s not been kept in there – in one of those rooms!”_ _

__Morgan gulped hard then told the literal truth, saying “No, Detective, he’s not there, I promise you!” Of course what he didn’t say was that Blair was in one similar, but in an adjoining corridor. As Jim backed off slightly, he grabbed for the telephone on the wall, babbling, “Please take a seat, gentlemen, and I’ll call C Wing. Ask them to find Blair for you...”_ _

__With two pairs of eyes boring into his back, he turned away and spoke rapidly into the telephone, keeping his voice low, and completely unaware that the Sentinel could easily hear both sides of the conversation._ _

__“Bud? Look, Bud, I need you to bring Blair Sandburg to the viewing suite. Right away!”_ _

__“But there’s been no mention of visitors today, Director Morgan. We haven’t received any request forms. He’s still in his room...”_ _

__“Then fetch him, Bud! I know it’s irregular, but it can’t wait.”_ _

__“But he hasn’t had his next dose of meds yet. He usually has it at lunchtime...”_ _

__“Doesn’t matter, Bud! Not this time! And page Dr Smallfellow also. I need him here now!”_ _

__“Yessir, right away sir!” and the other man terminated the call, plainly disgruntled at the tone of the orders._ _

__Turning back to face his visitors, Morgan took a deep breath then sat down heavily. Plainly, he was fighting some sort of internal battle with himself, and Simon had to give him credit for trying to regain control of the situation. He also took a seat facing the Director, but Jim remained standing, body tight with tension as he faced the mirror panel, although he was aware of the conversation beginning behind him. Some of it he tuned out, because it dealt with the paperwork needed to release Blair, and he had every faith in Simon to deal with the formalities. However, when it came to Blair himself, he snapped back to full attention, and swung around as he heard Morgan say firmly, “Of course, you realise that I cannot discuss Mr Sandburg’s condition with you. All of us here respect the concept of patient-doctor confidentiality, so what is in his files must remain there unless you obtain a warrant for them also--”_ _

__“I don’t think so, Director,” Jim interjected. “I have Blair’s Power of Attorney, and I’m also his primary emergency contact. And I demand to be brought up to speed on his treatment so far,” and ignoring Morgan’s obvious consternation, he pulled the appropriate notarised document from his wallet and handed it over._ _

__Studying the paper in his hand, Morgan’s face paled dramatically as he belatedly put two and two together and realised he might well have been duped. Blinded to the truth because of his greed and overweening complacency._ _

__“Oh, my god!” he murmured almost to himself. “You’re the Jim Ellison Mr Sandburg wrote about, aren’t you? You’re William Ellison’s son! But he said you agreed to let him get Blair admitted here for treatment after his breakdown. You _both_ thought it was for the best – for his own good!” _ _

__He suddenly became aware of the increased tension in the room, and glanced up to see Jim’s face white with shock._ _

___“What_ did you say? Did you say that it was _William Ellison_ who orchestrated this?” but any further comment was forgotten when Jim’s attention was distracted again, but this time as the door to the adjoining room opened, and his senses were flooded with the input from his Guide’s longed-for proximity. Swinging back around to face the mirror window, he was peripherally aware of Simon moving up to stand beside him as he watched the pale ghost of Blair Sandburg led into the room.  
_ _

__\---------------------------  
_ _

__The next few minutes were fraught with the threat of real violence as Jim and Simon absorbed the scene in front of them. Jim quickly catalogued Blair’s pitiful physical condition, even as he detected the sour tang of fear and too many chemicals overlaying his Guide’s normally enticing scent. He briefly flashed back to another situation, with Blair panic-stricken and running towards him, desperate to escape from the murderous clutches of Warren Chapel. That time he had also been dressed in similar if different coloured scrubs, but then the body within had been sturdy and well-nourished._ _

__Turning with a roar of pure rage, Jim seized Morgan by the lapels of his expensive suit coat, shaking the man like a rag doll as he snarled, “What the _fuck_ did you _do_ to him? I should wring your fucking neck....!” _ _

__Although equally shocked, Simon had the presence of mind to grasp Jim’s wrists, and he tugged with all his strength as he snapped out, “No, Jim! This won’t help Blair! Listen to me, man, and LET...GO!”_ _

__At almost the same moment the door opened to reveal Dr Smallfellow, who swiftly took in the scene before him, saying loudly, “Director Morgan! Are you OK, Sir? Shall I call Security?”_ _

__Simon’s efforts and the newcomer’s words worked to pierce the fog of rage clouding Jim’s mind, and he stepped back, still furious but back in control. Releasing the Director, he raised his hands palm outwards as he ground out, “OK! It’s OK, Simon. I’m not going to kill him. You don’t need backup._ _

__“But I want Blair brought in here. Or I’ll go in there. I don’t care which, but I need to hold him, Simon....” and he turned to meet his friend’s concerned gaze, wordlessly emphasising his desperate need to reconnect with his Guide._ _

__Patting his friend’s shoulder comfortingly, Simon murmured, “OK, Jim. You got it.” Raising his eyes to meet Morgan’s, he continued in his most authoritative tone, “Well, Director, you heard the man. And we both heard you agree that Jim could sit with his friend. So let’s get on with it!”_ _

__Unaware of the previous revelations, Dr Smallfellow immediately spoke up. “Oh no, that won’t be possible! Blair Sandburg is in no condition to receive visitors. As his doctor, I absolutely refuse to allow it!”_ _

__However, before Jim could explode again, Director Morgan stepped in swiftly, saying, “It’s OK, Dr Smallfellow. That is, there’s something you should know. Now, if we could all sit down for a moment – you too, Detective, if you can be patient just a moment longer – and I’ll bring my colleague up to speed with what you’ve told me,” and he gazed appealingly from one to the other._ _

__Exchanging a reassuring glance with Jim, Simon nodded in agreement._ _

__“Fair enough, Director, but let’s make this quick. My friend here has been searching for Blair for weeks now, and I don’t want him to have to wait any longer.”_ _

__As they all took a seat, Jim forced himself to concentrate on what was being said even as he continued to monitor Blair’s condition in the other room._ _

__It only took a few minutes to explain the situation to Dr Smallfellow, and the man was as shocked as Director Morgan at what he was told._ _

__“But I have the file right here that Mr Ellison brought from Mr Sandburg’s own psychiatrist in Cascade”, he said, frowning in puzzlement._ _

__“Are you trying to tell me it’s a fiction? That there _was_ no breakdown? I mean, I know this Doctor McHendry – at least by reputation. He has a most successful practice.” _ _

__“That’s as may be, Dr Smallfellow,” replied Simon. “But Jim here can confirm that Blair has no therapist of any sort in Cascade. The only one he has seen in recent years is the departmental shrink – sorry, psychiatrist – for mandatory visits after certain types of case. There’s no way he could afford the sort of fees a private practice like that would charge, and there’s no way Jim would have approached his father to foot the bill, am I right?” and he looked over at Jim, noting his friend’s grim-faced nod of affirmation._ _

__Looking deeply disturbed, Smallfellow murmured almost to himself as the impact of the information hit him._ _

__“Oh my god! If this is true, I could’ve been treating the boy completely inappropriately.” Then, suddenly realising that he could be incriminating himself, he continued firmly, “Of course, that would be most unlikely. I mean to say, Mr Sandburg certainly did seem to exhibit all the symptoms outlined in the report on his arrival,” and he nodded emphatically, determined to impress his listeners with his own integrity and sincerity._ _

__Abruptly sick of listening to any further excuses, Jim stood up again, snarling, “Enough already! Sort this out amongst yourselves, but I want to see Blair now!” and he glared at Morgan again, defying him to procrastinate any longer._ _

__Realising that the man was through with being patient, Morgan nodded reluctantly and spoke into the intercom connecting the rooms._ _

__“I’m bringing Blair’s visitor in now, Bud. You can stay and keep watch on them if you please,” and the Director ignored the bemused expression on his employee’s face as he turned to address Jim._ _

__“Please follow me, Detective Ellison. But don’t be surprised if Mr Sandburg reacts unexpectedly. Whatever may or may not be true about that report, Blair has been a very sick young man.”_ _

__And if that sickness was nearly all due to the type of drugs continually pumped into Blair’s system, Morgan certainly wasn’t going to admit it.  
_ _

__\----------------------  
_ _

__Unaware of the drama taking place next door, Blair was suffering his own melt-down as the stress and fear arising from the unexpected change in his routine hit him all at once. On only one occasion thus far had a break in routine proved to be a pleasant experience, and that had been when he had been allowed to join the craft class. On every other occasion, some form of punishment or extra ‘treatment’ had been the result._ _

__Today he had been sitting in his room as usual, waiting patiently for Bud to take him to lunch, when the beefy nurse had dragged him in the opposite direction without warning or explanation._ _

__As he was in the half-lucid stage between doses when his brain was functioning at its relative best, he was able to recall vaguely the last time he had been brought to this particular room on his arrival at the sanatorium, and the memory was terrifying. He was sure that it was here where the whole nightmare had begun. Flashes of his initial traumatic ‘interview’ with Dr Smallfellow jumped to the forefront of his hazy consciousness, and he whimpered at the recollection of the dreadful punishment that had followed his vain attempt at presenting a rational argument for release and subsequent spirited resistance._ _

___Oh please, no! Please don’t let them take me to the isolation cell!_ He couldn’t bear it, he knew he couldn’t! The first time had driven him to breaking point, and he knew he couldn’t survive a second visit. _ _

__But he had no idea what he had done to deserve it this time. What could he have done to merit such cruelty? He had behaved – he _had!_ And he rocked back and forth on the hard chair in increasing agitation, moaning softly and for once immune to Bud’s cruel sniggers and snide comments. _ _

__Just when he didn’t think he could bear the awful anticipation any longer without screaming out loud, the door opened, and a figure from his most cherished dreams stepped in._ _

__He knew this man. He knew to the depths of his soul that he loved him, but he also knew there was no way the man could love him back. He was a liar – _‘Liar, liar, pants on fire’,_ \- and he had done too much to hurt the man to warrant forgiveness. _ _

___Oh Jim! I’m so sorry!_ And he had no idea if he had spoken aloud or not. Tears began to stream down his face as it was forcibly brought home to him what he had thrown away, and he knew without doubt that he didn’t care now if he lived or died. Every last shred of hope he may have clung to withered away as he gazed longingly at his former friend. _ _

__But then the man – Jim – moved towards him, and his face was wet also. Oh gods, had Blair hurt him so very much? He couldn’t bear it, and he closed his eyes so he could no longer witness Jim’s pain. _Let me die! Oh please let me die so I can’t hurt him anymore!_ _ _

__But his prayer came to nothing as he was gathered up into powerful arms and settled on a warm lap, his head tucked beneath Jim’s chin as the big man shushed him and rocked him like a child, a large gentle hand rubbing soothing circles on his back as he sobbed out his grief and mortification against Jim’s broad and comforting chest.  
_ _

__\-----------------------------  
_ _

__For Jim, the reunion was every bit as emotional as for Blair. From the moment he pushed open the door to see his Guide sitting there in the flesh, no more barriers separating them, the Sentinel within exulted in anticipation of reconnecting with his true soulmate. However, this was counter-balanced by his implacable rage towards those who had hurt his mate, and the deep and growing desire for revenge._ _

__On the other hand, Jim the man forced himself to override the primal urges for the present, realising instinctively that Blair desperately needed his care and his support on a basic, human level first. He therefore paused in the doorway for a moment to catalogue the beloved figure before him, and to gather and settle his turbulent thoughts, knowing that Blair needed him to be calm and strong enough for both of them right now._ _

__Totally dismissing the male nurse as unimportant, Jim gazed into the beloved face, cut to the quick at Blair’s whispered apology, and unable to prevent his own tears from falling when Blair began to cry, so obviously devastated and hopelessly alone._ _

__Moving forwards swiftly, Jim gathered the thin body into his arms and did what he had wanted to do for so long. Sitting down in Blair’s place, he pulled his Guide onto his lap, carefully arranging the bony and frail-seeming form against him as comfortably as he could._ _

__Gently shushing the sobbing man and holding him comfortingly, Jim knew he was prepared to do whatever it would take for as long as necessary to nurse Blair back to health._ _

__And the Sentinel in him demanded that once his mate was in a condition to do so, they would cement their commitment to each other, and become the Sentinel and Guide pair they should have been long ago._ _

__He was finally ready to take that trip, and he prayed he hadn’t left it too late.  
_ _

__\------------------------  
_ _

__From inside the viewing suite, Simon stood gazing through the window, his own emotions causing him to swallow around the lump in his throat as the scene played out before him. He was deeply affected by the love and devotion on Jim’s face, as he was also by the despair and devastation on Blair’s, and it was only when the younger man had plainly cried himself out and fallen into an exhausted sleep in Jim’s arms that Simon found the strength to tear himself away from the view._ _

__However, there was much to be done, and he wanted to waste no more time in pulling together all the plans and procedures necessary to secure Blair’s release into the hands of the people who loved and cared for him.  
_ _

__\---------------------------  
_ _

__**Part 4: Truth Sometimes Hurts:**  
_ _

__**Following morning, on the road to Cascade:**  
_ _

__Simon drove smoothly and quickly, but not fast enough to risk endangering his passengers – just needing to put as many miles between them and Portland as possible. Glancing in his rear-view mirror, he checked on them yet again, ruefully admitting to himself that he needed the reassurance as much as they probably did after the events of the past 24 hours._ _

__As before, Blair lay curled up on the back seat, wrapped snugly in a warm blanket, and with his head resting comfortably on a pillow in Jim’s lap. He had fallen asleep almost as soon as Simon had pulled away from the clinic, as if he instinctively realised he was safe now in the hands of his Sentinel. Jim was gently carding the short curls, and smiling down softly as his partner snuffled a little as he slept. Looking up, aware of Simon’s interest, he caught his Captain’s gaze for a moment and nodded to him, offering a companionable half-grin._ _

__“It’s OK, Simon,” he said quietly. “He’s still well away. I think it’ll be a good few hours until he stirs again. That last dose of sedative really knocked him out.” Then his expression changed to one of frowning concern as he continued, “I just wish we could stop giving him all this crap immediately! It’s so wrong, Simon, especially with someone like Blair, who barely swallowed an aspirin unless he was desperate!”_ _

__“I know, Jim. And I agree. But like the doc said, to stop everything now would give him the worst kind of Cold Turkey, especially from a psychological standpoint. He just wouldn’t be able to face up to a reality without meds. It has to be a gentle withdrawal until we – and his therapists – are sure he can handle the outside world again without chemical support.”_ _

__“Yeah, of course you’re right, and I wouldn’t dream of going against her advice, but it just goes against the grain, you know?” Then, as Blair moaned softly in his sleep, Jim turned his attention back to his Guide, hand gently rubbing a bony shoulder as he whispered soothingly to him until he stilled again._ _

__Facing front again in order to allow his friends a little privacy, Simon concentrated on his driving even as he contemplated everything that had occurred during their determined efforts to secure Blair’s release.  
_ _

__\-------------------------  
_ _

__Working on the assumption that they would actually find Blair at Suncrest Sanatorium, Simon had been in almost constant touch with Joel during their outward journey. Joel had been only too glad to liaise with the Portland PD and legal system on their behalf to set the appropriate wheels in motion to obtain and sign off on all the necessary paperwork._ _

__However, it was blatantly obvious to Simon as soon as they saw what condition Blair was in, that their first priority was to have both his physical and, more importantly, his mental state thoroughly evaluated to make sure he could safely be released into their care._ _

__With that thought in the forefront of his mind, Simon had immediately approached his opposite number at Portland PD to seek his advice as to who would be a reliable third party to perform such an evaluation, as there was no way the Suncrest medical staff’s opinion could be trusted under the circumstances. He knew only too well that Jim would protest, and forcibly, at any suggestion that he couldn’t take his Guide away there and then, but Simon prayed that he would be able to persuade the Sentinel that it was for Blair’s benefit that they make absolutely certain they understood what he had been through, and exactly what was needed to help heal him._ _

__As it had turned out, Portland PD’s Captain Johanssen had been very supportive of the Cascade men’s mission, and had come up with the name of a trusted psychiatrist frequently used by the DA’s office as an expert witness. It had taken a few hours, and a good deal of opposition from Dr Smallfellow, but eventually they had secured the services of Dr Marsha Brooks._ _

__While Simon had been busy with organising and coordinating everything, Jim had remained with Blair, stubbornly refusing to leave his side under any circumstances. With Blair still deeply asleep, he had carried his precious burden out of the bleak interview room, snarling uncompromisingly at anyone who dared to protest, and settled them both in a comfortable armchair in the viewing suite. Satisfied that his mate was warm and secure, Jim was content to keep watch until Simon returned, his senses humming happily once more in the presence of his Guide.  
_ _

__\----------------------------  
_ _

__When Simon had returned, armed with the first of several warrants, this one requiring the release of all Blair’s medical records, he had been accompanied by one of Captain Johanssen’s men to ensure that the Suncrest staff cooperated. The dour detective seemed only too pleased to comply, telling Simon that it was only right, and that he would expect the same of any fellow cop who went after one of their own under similar circumstances._ _

__Simon didn’t disabuse him of the notion that Blair was actually a cop, because as far as he was concerned, Blair had ceased to be simply an observer in his department’s eyes a long time ago. Most of Major Crimes considered him to be one of their own despite the diss mess, and Simon just prayed that, even if Blair never accepted the badge, he would at least get well enough to understand what he meant to his friends at the PD. Never mind the fact that Simon still tended to mutter an automatic ‘You’re not a cop, Sandburg’ every so often. The fact remained that he had long ago progressed past the level of an abiding tolerance for the hyper grad student and recognised his real affection for the young man._ _

__Leaving his companion to make sure the warrant was served and acted upon; Simon had demanded to go straight to the secure wing to check on his men. With Smallfellow and Morgan trotting agitatedly in his wake, he had entered the viewing suite, and found himself smiling softly at the sight that met his eyes. Stopping just inside the doorway, he had taken a moment simply to absorb the care with which Jim held the sleeping Guide, and the expression of love and compassion on the big detective’s features._ _

___Well, who’d a thought Jim ‘Hard-ass’ Ellison could turn out to be such a mushball!_ Simon mused, more used to the other man’s reputation for abrasiveness and notorious short temper. And he forcibly stopped himself from thinking that a little of the same compassion and understanding shown earlier might have prevented the rift from forming between the partners in the first place. _ _

__Blair was cuddled comfortably in Jim’s arms, still deeply asleep, while the Sentinel stood watch. As soon as Jim had scented Simon’s approach, he had relaxed his guard slightly, trusting that his friend and Captain would have something positive to report._ _

__“Hey, Jim. How’s he doing?”_ _

__“He hasn’t stirred since he fell asleep on me,” Jim replied, his tone affectionate as he ran a gentle hand over Blair’s curls. “He must have been exhausted, Simon. God knows what sort of rest he’s been able to achieve while he’s been shut in here. He’s always been prone to nightmares, and this one must have seemed never-ending,” and Jim’s face darkened again._ _

__“Yeah, well, hopefully it’ll be over soon,” Simon replied. “I’ve contacted Naomi, by the way, and she was so relieved. She’d like to come to Cascade as soon as possible to see him, but she said she’d wait for your OK. She doesn’t want to come between you again.”_ _

__Jim simply nodded distractedly. “Thanks, Simon. I’ll consider it once he’s home. Now, how are things progressing, because I’ve got to say I’m sick of this place already?”_ _

___And now comes the difficult part!_ thought Simon, mentally girding his loins for battle. _ _

__“Well, the paperwork is well in hand so far, Jim, and we have the order for the release of all Blair’s files. However, the Judge who is handling the request is withholding permission for Blair’s release into our custody until he has had a full evaluation by a third party. Now don’t go off at half-cock, Jim!” he added quickly as Jim visibly bridled at his words._ _

__“Think about it, Jim. It’s for his own good that we know exactly what to expect, because we sure as hell can’t believe anything in _their_ files,” and he sent a disgusted look at Smallfellow and Morgan who were standing just behind him. _ _

__For a few seconds he thought he may have a real problem, but then Jim took a deep breath and turned his attention back to the warm bundle cradled in his arms._ _

__“OK, Simon. I understand. But he doesn’t have to stay here, does he?”_ _

__And breathing a sigh of relief, Simon replied, “No, Jim. That he doesn’t! The officer I’ve been liaising with, Captain Bert Johanssen, has arranged for one of his recommended ‘shrinks’ to do the honours. We’ll be going to see Dr Marsha Brooks at her private clinic as soon as Blair is awake and able to travel a short distance. And she has suggested that we stay at her clinic overnight to give Blair a chance to relax.”_ _

__Jim regarded his captain shrewdly for a moment, completely ignoring the affronted mutterings and denials coming from their audience, then nodded in agreement._ _

__“OK Simon. Let’s do it!”  
_ _

__\-----------------------  
_ _

__And that is how it had worked out, much to the Cascade men’s relief._ _

__Not that the next few hours could have been called restful in any way. However, as Simon now recalled, smiling gently at the images conjured up by his contemplation, the actual evaluation had proceeded much more easily than Simon and Jim – and the psychiatrist herself for that matter - might have expected._ _

__Having read the newly-acquired medical files, Dr Brooks had been prepared to view a very disturbed young man as his present medication would have begun to wear off. At the very least she expected withdrawal, if not a total shut-down. And there was also the possibility of a violent physical response due to panic and disorientation as the drug-induced fog slowly cleared from Blair’s mind._ _

__However, as soon as he had awoken, Blair had literally clung to Jim, almost as if he believed that the man might disappear like the dream-figure Blair obviously thought he was. Since Jim was equally loath to let his Guide out of his sight, he was content to touch and maintain a constant contact with Blair, and the young man reciprocated by obeying unquestioningly every suggestion or request that Jim uttered. He had sat quietly in the back seat of Simon’s sedan for the short journey to the clinic, and as long as he was pressed close to Jim’s side, he remained calm, at least outwardly. Nevertheless, the Sentinel was well aware of the thundering of his Guide’s heart, and the scent of anxiety clung to him throughout the trip._ _

__On arrival, Blair had held Jim’s hand tightly as he was led into an examination room, his expression one of wide-eyed anxiety and childlike concentration as he tried so hard to do whatever he was told._ _

__Dr Brooks had enlisted the assistance of one of her physician colleagues to do the physical examination before she commenced her own evaluation, all parties needing to be aware of Blair’s general condition and what he would require to regain his normal health and strength. The doctor in question had been a gentle, elderly man, who had plenty of experience working with the sort of disturbed patients Marsha Brooks often dealt with, so he did everything he could to make the examination as least traumatic as possible under the circumstances. Blair’s vitals were taken, and several blood samples which were sent off for immediate analysis and screening in the clinic’s own labs._ _

__Although by this time Blair was wilting rapidly and almost at the end of his tether, both Jim and Simon were openly proud of the way he tried to respond to Marsha’s gentle but probing questions._ _

__Eventually the process was over, and Simon, Jim and Blair retired to a private room for some rest and a chance to get something to eat while the doctors completed their records._ _

__Although their sense of duty demanded that they give of their best at all times, both doctors had been won over by Blair’s gentle nature and earnest cooperation, so they put just that bit extra effort into compiling their joint reports and recommendations. The paperwork was ready therefore in record time. Copies were forwarded to the judge in charge of the request to release Blair into Jim and Simon’s custody, and copies given to the Cascade men for their own information and for the attention of the medical help they would need to enlist once home._ _

__Out of courtesy, one was also provided for Dr Smallfellow and the staff at Suncrest; although it was highly unlikely they would appreciate the gesture, since they were now under investigation for possible malpractice._ _

__By the following morning, the judge had signed off on Blair’s release papers, on the strict proviso that Jim sought suitable medical assistance as soon as they arrived back in Cascade. After a fairly restful night held in the arms of his Sentinel, Blair was encouraged to eat a little breakfast, and was given a dose of the modified medication designed this time to help him gradually recover from the physiological as well as the mental damage caused by the previous erroneous treatment._ _

__And by mid-morning, three very grateful men had set off on the journey back to Cascade.  
_ _

__\-------------------------  
_ _

__Thoughts returning to the present, Simon realised that it was past lunchtime, and he for one could do with a short break to stretch his legs and grab a bite to eat. Glancing in his rear view mirror again, he said, “You ready for a stop, Jim? I don’t know about you, but I need food. Shall I pull over at the next diner?”_ _

__“Yeah, Simon. That’d be good. And I think Blair might eat a bite or two also if I ask him. He’s just beginning to rouse a bit.”_ _

__“Fair enough then. I’ll pull over as soon as I see somewhere half-decent.”_ _

__They eventually decided on a Denny’s, and pulled in with relief. Blair had woken, and nodded immediately when Jim suggested that he have something to eat, climbing out of the car willingly enough, but maintaining a grip on Jim’s sleeve as they walked to the diner. He was wearing his own clothes that Jim had had the forethought to pack for him, and to the casual onlooker he seemed normal enough. However, both Jim and Simon made a point of keeping him protectively between them, and secured a corner booth where Blair could be seated more or less out of sight from the other diners._ _

__Both Jim and Simon ordered the full all-day breakfast, and Jim ordered scrambled eggs and toast for Blair, knowing that it used to be one of his favourite breakfasts – once he had finally given up the algae shakes, that was. Conversation between the two older men was kept light and casual as they tucked into their food, although they both made an effort not to exclude Blair. They weren’t surprised when he failed to join in however, unless spoken to directly._ _

__Nevertheless, he made a valiant effort to eat a good portion of his meal, so Jim was encouraged at his progress so far._ _

__After a last cup of coffee and a bathroom break, they set out on the road again.  
_ _

__\----------------------  
_ _

__**The loft, following day:**  
_ _

__It was early afternoon by the time Simon pulled up outside 852 Prospect, having taken the return journey at a much more relaxed pace than the outward trip. This was partly due to the fact that he was the sole driver on this occasion, since Blair still seemed to need Jim in close proximity. To be honest, Simon was happier driving anyway, because fond as he was of Blair; he knew he probably wouldn’t have the patience to put up with his silent anxiety and clutching hand if Jim were to take over the driving._ _

__They had stopped at a motel for the night, and once again Blair slept well enough alongside Jim. As always he remained cooperative and amenable, but the two older men noticed that the occasional spark of genuine interest and inquisitiveness flashed in the wide blue eyes with increasing frequency, although the younger man still refused to offer any comment. Nevertheless, Jim was encouraged by this evidence that the effects of the medication were gradually clearing from his friend’s mind, and he grinned cheerfully and patted Blair each time it occurred._ _

__Entering #307, Jim ushered his Guide inside with a gentle hand at the small of his back, slightly tense as he braced himself to deal with whatever reaction Blair might experience at his homecoming. Exchanging an understanding glance with Simon, both men paused to allow Blair to take the first few steps on his own._ _

__For the first time, Blair moved forward unasked as he entered the apartment, a slightly puzzled frown on his face as slowly gazed around at the familiar surroundings, as if trying to place it and deliberately draw out the memories from his stubbornly hazy mind._ _

__Quietly entering after the younger man, Simon and Jim watched intrigued as he wandered slowly around the room, carefully fingering various objects, and they literally saw the memories come flooding back as Blair reconnected with his home. Emotions chasing across his mobile features, he brightened little by little as each piece dropped into place. It was only when he came to the French doors leading into his small room that he paused, shoulders noticeably hunching as he withdrew once again into his shell._ _

__At that point, Jim deemed it appropriate to intervene, so he quickly moved up behind Blair, a cheerful grin on his face as he said, “Hey, babe, you OK? It’s fine if you want to have a nap in your room. Or perhaps you just want to check it out, huh? It’s just as you left it, I promise,” and he smiled encouragingly down at the worried faced that turned up towards him._ _

__Unfortunately, Blair’s response wasn’t what he was hoping for, although he could hardly blame the kid. As silent tears began to track down Blair’s cheeks, he offered the first spontaneous words Jim had heard thus far, and they nearly broke his heart._ _

__Shaking his head and voice a tiny whisper, his Guide murmured dolefully as if by rote, “Can’t go in. Not my home any longer. Liars can’t go home. Frauds don’t deserve friends. I’m sorry. So sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry...” and his head dropped as he stood meekly before the man he had hurt so badly, awaiting the anger and the return to the sanatorium where he would be cured, even if it destroyed the real Blair Sandburg in the process._ _

__Jim’s reply was swift as he reached out and gathered the shaking body into his arms, hand carding gently through the soft curls again as he offered his love and support to the hurting young man._ _

__“Oh baby, no! That’s so not true, little one! This isn’t how you really are, Blair, believe me. Everything you were told was meant to make you hurt – to break you, and in doing so, break up our friendship. I know it’s hard for you to believe it now, but in time you will, I promise you! This nightmare _will_ end, Chief. And when it does, we’ll be together as we should always have been, I swear it!” _ _

__Blair seemed to consider his words, holding himself rigidly in the enfolding arms for long moments before he visibly relaxed, and gave himself up into the care of his Sentinel, too tired and confused to fight any longer. And Jim was ready, scooping up the limp body as Blair retreated once more into healing slumber, and pushing open the door with his foot so he could lay his Guide down comfortably on the futon before tucking him under the covers, smiling softly despite his concern._ _

__“Sleep well, Chief. I’m here for you, and I promise I always will be...”  
_ _

__\------------------  
_ _

__The next few days proved to be difficult for both men; and perhaps for Jim in particular because he had to deal with several different aspects and situations at one and the same time._ _

__As soon as he was satisfied that Jim and Blair would be more comfortable without him, Simon had taken himself home, not without a little guilty relief to have some space and time to himself once again. He had already signed Jim off for an indeterminate leave of absence so he could concentrate on looking after his Guide, and it wasn’t as if the Sentinel didn’t have a large amount of accumulated leave due to him anyway._ _

__And as he had pointed out as he said his farewells that evening, he was only a phone call away._ _

__Sitting alone with a cup of fresh coffee while he waited for Blair to awaken, Jim decided that his top priority was learning to understand Blair’s condition, and how to deal with it. Every other consideration would have to take a back seat to that._ _

__He immediately called his own physician, Dr Ericson, and enlisted his help. Ericson had treated Jim for several years now, and Jim liked and trusted the man. The doctor agreed to come see Blair at the loft the following day, and also promised to bring with him a good therapist who he had worked with on many occasions, and who specialised in trauma victims. He was certain that Dr Cunningham would be able to help Blair, and was pleased to recommend him._ _

__Heaving a huge sigh of relief, Jim thanked him wholeheartedly, and terminated the call, hope lightening his mood as he prepared a light supper for himself and Blair.  
_ _

__\---------------------  
_ _

__The following morning, both doctors arrived together, and worked sympathetically with Blair who cooperated as best he could, despite his obvious apprehension. After professing themselves satisfied with their new patient’s attitude thus far, they both took away copies of the notes and reports compiled by Dr Brooks and her colleague so they could prepare a suitable course of action to help Blair regain his health and return to something approaching normality._ _

__Physically, the task was relatively straight-forward. Dr Ericson was quickly able to wean Blair off the last of Dr Smallfellow’s experimental mind-altering drugs, although he still prescribed an anti-convulsant and a mild sedative to help Blair through his withdrawal. Good food, lots of TLC and a sensible exercise programme would take care of the rest in time._ _

__On the other hand, his psychological problems were much more complex, and Jim was ruefully aware that they had a long road to recovery before them. During their daily visits to Dr Cunningham, where they saw him both singly and together as desired, Jim was forced to really see and accept Blair for who he was – or had been – and in doing so, began to understand just how much damage had been wreaked in his partner._ _

__Blair had always been lacking in self-esteem, so was in the habit of constantly striving to establish a niche for himself with different people in different situations. Dr Cunningham suggested to Jim that much of this insecurity stemmed from his itinerant childhood, as were his self-confessed problems with commitment. However, as Cunningham pointed out to Jim, Blair had certainly committed to him well enough. Jim simply hadn’t appreciated it at the time; something that he deeply regretted in hindsight._ _

__On the other hand, Blair had always been able to rely on his formidable intellect to help establish some sort of recognition for himself, and that, coupled with his basic honesty, integrity and gentle nature made him the good man that he was. A good man who was appreciated by far more people than Blair would ever have believed._ _

__It was his honesty and courage which had made him deny himself and lie about the Sentinel paper, but that very act of self-sacrifice had been turned into a weapon to use against him at the sanatorium. Armed with the information from the bogus psychiatric report, the staff had proceeded to twist his self-perception at its very core, denying the character traits that defined him and endeavouring to make him believe that he was nothing better than the liar and fraud he had claimed to be._ _

__So intensive and persistent had the conditioning programme been, that weakened by a drug regime that was intended to increase his susceptibility to self-doubt, Blair had suffered an identity crisis as bad if not worse than anything Dr Cunningham had ever encountered. The fact that they may or may not have been aware that they were working from false information didn’t matter now. The damage was done, and he was going to need a lot of therapy, help and encouragement to regain a significant measure of self-respect, and Jim was resolved to do his utmost in helping Blair to achieve that goal._ _

__The Sentinel needed his Guide back as much as Jim needed his partner and friend.  
_ _

__\--------------------  
_ _

__In between therapy sessions and visits to the gym, Jim began to invite old friends and colleagues around on occasion to help reintegrate Blair into society once again. So far the visitors had always come alone; and usually comprised of Simon, Megan or Joel. These three in particular had always had a soft spot for Blair, and he was noticeably more comfortable in their presence. As long as he was certain of Jim’s support, he began to offer a little conversation, much to everyone’s delight, although it still took very little to precipitate an immediate withdrawal into painful reticence._ _

__On the other hand, at the least suggestion of an order or request, Blair would immediately jump up to carry out the required task. This was irrespective of whether he had been addressed or not, as he was always eager to please and thus defer punishment or harsh words. His audience invariably reacted with covert sympathy and discomfort on his behalf, but tended to refrain from calling him on it so as not to upset or embarrass him further._ _

__One such incident occurred during one of Simon’s frequent visits, but this time Jim took the opportunity of using the occasion to confront the problem head-on. And in truth, it was at least partly due to his patience beginning to wear thin._ _

__Simon had arrived at the loft a short time before, and was seated comfortably opposite Jim and Blair, Blair pressing as close as possible to Jim’s side as usual. When Jim asked if Simon would like another beer, Blair immediately leapt to his feet, automatically assuming that it was his role to do so. He was shocked and unnerved this time however, when Jim, with an irritated snort and frustrated glance at Simon stopped him in his tracks._ _

__“No, Blair! You _don’t_ have to run around me or our friends like a skivvy!” _ _

__When Blair froze, frightened at Jim’s unexpected anger, Jim gently pulled him around to face him, now smiling somewhat ruefully into the wide and anxious blue gaze._ _

__“Come and sit down again, Chief. Simon’s quite capable of getting his own beer, and I think it’s time we talked about this new habit of yours to wait on everybody hand and foot._ _

__“See, Blair, it’s simply a sort of fear response – and I should know all about those, thanks to a very clever young friend of mine!” and he ruffled Blair’s curls with a gentle hand._ _

__“In your case, it’s been instilled in you while you were under the influence of Dr Smallfellow’s drugs. You’ve always been happy to help out. It’s just the sort of person you are. But under normal circumstances you’re also a very strong-willed person, kiddo, and it would have taken a long time and a lot of effort to condition you this way – to exaggerate some of your normal character traits to extremes. Because that’s what it is, Chief, pure and simple. Learned behaviours which you’ll have to un-learn!”_ _

__When Blair’s eyes filled with tears of mortification, Jim sighed in sympathy and moved to sit opposite him on the coffee table, knees touching as he took both Blair’s hands in his and continued._ _

__“It’s OK, Chief. I’m not mad at you or anything. See, you’re a really smart guy. Probably the smartest I’ve ever met, and I’ll bet that goes for Simon also,” and he glanced over at his friend, who nodded in affirmation._ _

__“You’ve done nothing wrong. Far from it! But it’ll take time to get your self-confidence back. But you will, babe. In time you’ll get back into the habit of making informed decisions, and you’ll be the independent, brilliant thinker and conversationalist that we know and love. Just give yourself a chance, and work with Dr Cunningham. And me! Because I’ll be with you every step of the way, count on it!”_ _

__Blair had dropped his eyes at the final part of Jim’s impassioned speech, and was plainly trying to absorb it and understand its significance. Jim waited patiently until finally the young man raised his head again and met his gaze with eyes that held a long-absent glint of determination._ _

__“I’m sorry, Jim. I know this must be so hard for you. I wish I could get the words out to tell you how much I appreciate what you’ve done for me, despite what I did to hurt you. It’s just....it’s just that everything’s so _hard_ now. It’s so hard to see – to feel. And to speak freely. I don’t know what’s _me_ anymore, or whether it’s Dr Smallfellow’s definition of me. I want...I need...to find myself. Mom used to say that, didn’t she? Do you...could I? I mean, would it be OK to see her, please Jim?” _ _

__And there was no way Jim was going to deny him, not after such a courageous effort on Blair’s part._ _

__“Yes, Chief. Of course you can see her. She’s just been waiting for the right time to visit. We’ll call her tomorrow, and she’ll be here, I’m sure of it.” And as he gathered his relieved and grateful Guide into his arms, he couldn’t even bring himself to feel resentful that Blair had asked for Naomi’s help. It seemed to him that they had reached an important turning point, and from now on, he had to believe that a real recovery was within Blair’s grasp. And he was fully prepared to accept any and all assistance in making that belief a fact.  
_ _

__\---------------------  
_ _

__Later that evening, Blair had gone upstairs to bed, still tiring quickly despite his gradually improving physical condition. Simon had no problem with the new sleeping arrangements, knowing that both men needed the proximity, and that the situation was purely platonic. And if and when it progressed further, well, Simon decided that it simply wasn’t his business._ _

__However, that night Jim and Simon needed to discuss the other major issue in the forefront of Jim’s mind._ _

__While Jim had been concentrating on caring for his Guide, Simon and his colleagues at the MCU had been investigating William Ellison and Dr McHendry, and various charges had been brought against them. Simon had taken it upon himself to keep Jim in the loop, but as he had already pointed out, it was probably a good thing that Jim was still off-duty. He was far too deeply and personally involved to have been included in the case anyway, although the older man knew it must rankle when Jim had time to think about it._ _

__The sensible cop recognised that it was for the best, but the Sentinel within wanted nothing more than to confront his father head-on, and he was well aware that the outcome of such a meeting could well end in violence._ _

__Eventually a compromise had been reached as far as Jim’s involvement was concerned, actually facilitated by William himself. He had voluntarily recorded a statement for the PD from his own home, explaining his motives for doing what he did, but plainly intended for his son’s ears._ _

__Simon had brought a copy of the recording with him for Jim to view, but had wanted to wait until Blair had retired to bed since neither of them wanted to instigate a relapse in Blair’s hard-won but still fragile confidence._ _

__Once Jim was certain that Blair was sound asleep, he nodded grimly to Simon, who put the disc into the DVD player, and they sat back to watch the show._ _

__William appeared on-screen, seated behind the desk in his den, and to all intents and purposes, could well have been in his boardroom. Dressed immaculately as he would be for work, he leaned forward, hands clasped loosely in front of him, reminding both watchers of his role as a powerful and influential Cascade businessman. Looking directly into the camcorder, he appeared relaxed but alert as if about to address a full board meeting, and Jim couldn’t help but admit to feeling a grudging admiration for his father’s attitude and confidence._ _

__However, once William began to speak, both Jim and Simon were struck by the conflicting emotions his words conjured up, and Jim for one couldn’t contain the low growl that emerged from his throat at several points during the recital._ _

__“My name is William Ellison, founder and CEO of Ellison Enterprises Inc., Cascade, WA. I decided to record this statement despite my lawyer’s misgivings simply because I feel it is the best way forward._ _

__“The purpose is two-fold, insofar as I believe it will suffice as would a written statement produced at Cascade Police Department, and also because I should like to attempt to explain my motives to my son, Detective James Ellison, who I believe deserves to hear the truth from my lips even if he doesn’t wish to meet me in person._ _

__“It will probably surprise Jimmy to hear that I actually love my sons very much, and have always wanted above all to protect them and do my best to ensure they were as tough and ready as I could make them to meet the outside world head-on._ _

__“Although in Jimmy’s case, this approach led to estrangement, I have never ceased to follow his career, and have watched carefully for ways and means to support him wherever and whenever possible._ _

__“I admit therefore to being extremely concerned about the return of his hypersensitivity, especially when I found out that it had attracted the attention of Blair Sandburg. I freely admit I had no idea of what that young man could do for Jimmy, as I always hoped that Jimmy would continue to repress his gifts. Above all, I wanted Jimmy to be free to live his life as he wished, without being labelled as some sort of freak._ _

__“I’m truly sorry, son, if my short-sightedness caused you grief. It wasn’t my intention to do so, even though I also admit that much of my discomfort was on my own behalf._ _

__“Anyhow, to come to the point, when Sandburg – or as I now understand – Sandburg’s mother released the Sentinel paper, I was furious. Not only because of the rabid and speculative phone calls made to me and my other son Steven by tabloid journalists and television newspeople, but because I feared that the public might actually believe their stories and endanger Jimmy in his role as a police officer._ _

__“Although I have to admit to a certain respect for Sandburg when he attempted to defuse the situation, I also believed that Jimmy would only be truly safe if the young man was completely removed from the scene, thus allowing Jimmy to get his life back on track._ _

__“Believe me when I say that I would never have done away with the boy. I simply wanted him out of the way for as long as it took for the situation to settle, and for Jimmy to get on with his life without a hanger-on constantly in his space and directing his every movement._ _

__“I did some research, and posed a few pertinent questions with knowledgeable acquaintances, and came up with the idea of sequestering Sandburg in a sanatorium. Very Victorian, I know, but still achievable with the right contacts. And if he should come to realise that he was mistaken in his beliefs after all, then all well and good._ _

__“What I failed to take into consideration was that Jimmy’s secret wasn’t that much of a secret in his department after all, especially when Blair wasn’t around to help him control his senses. And for that oversight, I am truly sorry._ _

__“I shall never regret doing what I did to help and protect a son of mine, but I can and do regret causing grief to Jimmy’s friend when it was unnecessary after all._ _

__“And on that note, I believe this statement is over, gentlemen.”  
_ _

__\---------------------  
_ _

__Once the screen went blank, both men sat for a moment lost in thought before turning to face one another._ _

__“Well, Jim. That was – er – different, huh? How do you feel now you’ve heard what your father had to say for himself?”_ _

__Frowning in perplexity, Jim took a while to construct his response._ _

__“You know, Simon, I really can’t say right now. I mean, a large part of me hates him for doing such damage, and ultimately for no good reason. I’ll never forgive him for hurting Blair like he did, and misusing his power to take my Guide from me._ _

__“But on the other hand, he seemed sincere enough in his desire to ‘help’ me, even if he was misguided. I just don’t know, Simon. I can say for sure I hope I never lay eyes on him again in person, and if he ever approaches Blair again, he’s gone! I just can’t take it all in right now, I guess._ _

__“And perhaps it doesn’t matter now anyway. Blair’s health is the only thing that matters now, and I need all my strength to deal with that.”_ _

__“I understand, Jim. But how would you feel about letting Blair watch it? Do you think it would help him?”_ _

__“I guess he’ll have to see it sooner or later, Simon, and eventually it may even help him, but not yet. He’s still too insecure to take any more blows, although I truly believe he’ll be strong enough given time.”_ _

__“Yeah, I think that’s the hardest part of this whole business,” Simon mused. “Even if I thought he was a flake at times, you could never fault his courage and strength of character. To see him so uncertain and apprehensive on so many levels is truly painful.”_ _

__“That it is,” replied Jim remorsefully. “But if I’d have really seen and accepted him for what he was months ago, none of this would ever have happened. Barnes, the fountain, the whole diss fiasco, none of it!”_ _

__“Maybe you’re right, Jim, but we’re none of us perfect, and Blair would be the first to point out that he never said you were Superman. He made his own mistakes too. It’s just that he’s paid a far heavier price for them than any one person should have had to.”_ _

__“Well, I for one am looking forward to my father paying for his actions. It may not be noble, but it’ll still be satisfying,” and Jim’s face hardened once more as his desire for revenge surfaced once again.  
_ _

__\----------------------  
_ _

__**Part 5: The Whole Truth:**  
_ _

__**Blair, several days later:**  
_ _

__Blair stared critically at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, for the first time in what seemed an age actually registering what he could see in front of him. He had never had much in the way of vanity, considering himself too short, too nerdy and certainly not buff enough to attract much attention. Having said that, he had consciously utilised his innate charm and golden tongue to over-ride his perceived physical imperfections; with the result that several girlfriends had assured him that he was ‘cute’. His gentle nature and determination to make sure they each enjoyed his love-making ensured that he didn’t want for bedmates when the loneliness got too much to bear. He supposed then that he wasn’t too unattractive, but certainly didn’t consider himself to be in Jim’s league._ _

__It had come as a complete surprise then when Jim had professed an attraction to him only days ago._ _

__Now Blair had been deeply in love with his Adonis of a partner for several years now, but had never acted upon it, certain that Jim was totally an Alpha male, macho-cop heterosexual. Blair simply hadn’t dared risk endangering the relationship they already had by admitting to his infatuation with Jim the man as well as his interest in the whole Sentinel deal._ _

__It seemed so ironic therefore that Jim had finally come straight out with his confession while Blair felt himself to be so very damaged._ _

__Peering at his reflection, he frowned as he registered the eyes that stared back at him, still haunted and ringed with shadows despite the amount of sleep he was getting now, courtesy of Jim’s freely-given cuddling in his big bed. True, he was beginning to put on some much-needed weight, but to Blair’s eyes he still looked pale and puny._ _

__So why now? Why did Jim feel the need to confess his love for his Guide? Was it because of his instinctive need to protect, or was it pity?_ _

__And although he hated his deep-seated uncertainty, Blair had felt compelled to ask Jim diffidently whether it was through pity, because he didn’t think he could bear that._ _

__But Jim had pulled him into a hug and said, “No, Chief. What happened to you may have been the stimulus I needed to make me come out and admit my love for you, but it wasn’t a new feeling. I’ve been attracted to you for some while now, but wouldn’t – or couldn’t – admit it. After all, you had such an endless procession of women passing through your life, why on earth should I have considered that you would want a cranky, ageing cop? And I wasn’t convinced that it was anything but the Sentinel stuff that had kept you with me for so long. And I’m ashamed to have thought that, babe. You proved to me time after time that you cared for me, but I was too scared to see it._ _

__“But after what happened, Blair, I was so devastated, and at least part of that was knowing that you had gone – maybe for good – and I hadn’t had the guts to ‘fess up to my love for you. And my gratitude for everything you’ve done for me. So I just had to say what I felt, babe, and if you weren’t interested, well, so be it. But I just needed you to know.”_ _

__And Blair had believed him, and nuzzled his face into Jim’s neck as he accepted gratefully the love and support he felt again in his Sentinel’s arms._ _

__Not that they had hastened immediately into a sexual relationship. They both recognised that Blair needed more time to regain his equilibrium before setting off on a more intense level but the mere fact that they had agreed and accepted their mutual love was enough for now._ _

__Smiling a little wistfully at the recollection, he turned away from the mirror, turning his thoughts to the upcoming day._ _

__He could hear Jim bustling about the kitchen, preparing breakfast for them both, and Blair knew he couldn’t keep his roommate waiting because Jim had to get off to the PD.  
_ _

__\--------------------------  
_ _

__After viewing his father’s confession – which Blair had yet to see – Jim had decided that he needed to go back to work, but only on a part-time basis, and only if Blair was comfortable being left. Simon had concurred, but had suggested that now would be an opportune time to invite Naomi back to Cascade as Blair had requested. He was certain that her presence would do Blair the world of good. Mother and son could have some time together to reconnect, and Blair wouldn’t have to be alone. She could even take him out on day trips, which would most definitely help his on-going therapy._ _

__Because Blair was mortified to admit that he was now agoraphobic. The mere thought of setting foot outside the loft on his own brought him out in a cold sweat, paranoia about kidnappings uppermost in his mind, and dreams about such situations almost triggered panic attacks._ _

__For someone who had relied on himself for so long, it was anathema to the free-spirited ex grad student, and a huge stumbling block to his striving to re-establish his independence._ _

__But when Jim suggested that he call Naomi, it seemed as if a heavy weight was lifted from his shoulders. As mother and son spoke for the first time since Blair’s abduction, it seemed to Jim that the flood gates had opened for Blair, and with the outpouring of joy, grief and love, Blair visibly lightened before his very eyes._ _

__And Jim hadn’t been in the least resentful. It was time for Naomi to return, and it would benefit them both if she would stay with Blair during the day while Jim was out at the PD, at least for as long as it took for Blair to regain some of his self-confidence..  
_ _

__\------------------  
_ _

__So as Blair and Jim sat down to eat, Blair wasn’t frightened at the thought of being left alone, because he knew that Naomi was on her way, and they planned to spend the day partly in meditation and also going grocery shopping._ _

__Now that may have seemed pretty mundane to most people, but to Blair it represented a major breakthrough. All previous outings since his release had been in Jim’s company. Blair had relied very much on his Sentinel’s protection; clinging to Jim’s sleeve and tucked closely into his Sentinel’s side at all times. This trip, however, he knew he’d be able to manage without panicking as long as Naomi was with him. And he was relieved to know that Jim was happy for him, and not at all jealous. Their lives were gradually regaining something approaching normality, and for that they were both extremely grateful._ _

__This was not to say that sometimes Blair felt very frustrated and angry at himself for his unwonted reactions in far too many social interactions. But he was intelligent enough to realise that it wasn’t an unexpected symptom of the type of conditioning to which he’d been exposed._ _

__He was simply impatient with himself, and desperate to get on with his life, whatever he chose to make of it._ _

__But from now on it would always include Jim. Jim had been the centre of his universe for so long now, and the added bonus was that Jim now knew it, and accepted and reciprocated his love whole-heartedly.  
_ _

__\------------------  
_ _

__**Epilogue: Nothing but the Truth:**  
_ _

__**Six months later:**  
_ _

__As Jim puttered around the kitchen preparing the fixings for their supper, a fond smile spread across his face as he tracked the progress of his Guide and lover from car to #307. In truth, he felt a wave of relief sweep through him, as he still had a tendency to worry when Blair was out of his sight for any length of time. And he supposed that he always would from now on, but he had to let the younger man find his own feet in his own time._ _

__It had been hard for Blair, but over the last six months he had made remarkable progress in his fight to return to normality – insofar as the Sandburg Zone had ever been normal – and much of his success in that direction had been down to Naomi’s support. She had hastened to his side once he had contacted her, and taken up temporary residence in a friend’s apartment not too far from 852 Prospect._ _

__She had visited Blair daily, and had been more than happy to keep her son company while Jim returned to the PD, something which had benefited both men. It was only when Blair could honestly assure her – and show her - that he was well on the way to true rehabilitation that she had moved on, but this time she promised that she would never stay out of touch again, and both mother and son parted on good terms; each knowing that they had passed through rough times only to emerge stronger and closer on the other side. The fact that she had given Jim and Blair her blessing in their budding relationship was a bonus for all of them._ _

__And as for Jim and Blair, although deeply attached to one another, it was good for them to have a few hours apart, and Jim especially appreciated being able to work once again, although he never used the senses if he thought there was any risk of zoning without his Guide’s presence._ _

__Having said that, when Blair had finally begun to accompany him to MCU on occasion just a couple of weeks ago, he was surprised both at the depth of his own relief, and the overt gratitude and friendship shown to the nervous young man by everyone with whom they came into contact. Megan, Joel, Rafe and H were thrilled to have their dear friend back with them, whilst others were simply grateful that Jim’s whole demeanour lightened in Blair’s company._ _

__And since Jim had long ago come clean about his senses, Simon Banks, the Chief and Commissioner were all gratified that their resident Sentinel could start using his gifts again to the benefit of the PD._ _

__As Simon had said on Blair’s first return visit to the MCU, “You know, Jim, it was an honour and privilege to help you while Blair was unable to, no word of a lie. But I’m very happy to hand you back over to the expert. Take care of him, Blair. Now I know just a little about what you’ve had to put up with over all this time – well, let’s just say ‘I am not worthy!’” and all three had indulged in relieved and companionable laughter.  
_ _

__\------------------------  
_ _

__As Blair approached the loft, his breathing and heartbeat testament to his excitement and exertion, Jim threw the door open and pulled his beloved companion into the apartment, grocery bags and all._ _

__“Hey, baby! How did it go? Did Eli’s references come through for you?” and before Blair could answer, he pulled the smaller man in for a loving hug, and captured the succulent lips for a much-needed kiss._ _

__Long moments later, Blair came up for air and smiled sweetly at his big lover, delighted and comforted by the warm welcome. Waggling his eyebrows at Jim, he replied, “Well, lover, if you could help me with the grocery bags, I could catch my breath and tell you how things went today! And I really hope you’ll be pleased...” he added, a touch of uncertainty colouring his tone despite his resolve to remain upbeat._ _

__Knowing how his Guide still needed reassurance, Jim smiled widely and said, “Well, whatever happened, I know we’ll deal with it, so come on, babe. Tell me all!” and he looped an arm around Blair’s waist and guided the smaller man to the kitchen where he could set down his grocery bags._ _

__Grinning up in real relief, Blair plumped the bags down and turned to face Jim, eyes sparkling again as he murmured, “Hmmmm! Smells very much like your special spaghetti sauce, lover. Not that I don’t appreciate it, but why the treat?”_ _

__“Ah ah, ah! You first! The meal’s just something I think we’ll both enjoy, so ‘fess up. Are you going to be able to do the courses you want?”_ _

__Smile widening, Blair took Jim’s hand and towed him towards the sofa, where he settled them both before hitching around to face his lover, eyes retaining a touch of uncertainty despite his happy grin._ _

__Licking his lips, he began, “Um, well, Jim, I admit I was really nervous when I went to Rainier to meet up with Eli, but he was so great, man! He hugged me, and said he was so relieved that I’d been found and had come back, because he really wanted to provide me with references good enough to set me on my feet with whatever courses I wanted to pursue._ _

__“He agreed that it wouldn’t be a good idea to re-enrol for the doctoral programme at this time, and not just because of the diss mess. It’s just that until Edwards is history – and that may not be so long in coming, according to his hints – it’s simply not worth my time, energy and health to continue to butt heads with her. But he did agree that it might be good for all concerned if I re-format the Sentinel paper into a sort of ‘self-help’ manual for others who think they might be suffering from the same symptoms. It would be out there for public consumption without compromising your privacy at all, since I’ll only have to include the data already gathered from indigenous tribes and the stuff I’d already collected before I met you._ _

__“He said he’s more than willing to back me up in whatever courses I want to take, and even if I choose to go to another college, but I think I’ll take his advice for now. I have the go-ahead to enrol for the forensic anthropology course, and the psychological profiling course, and that in itself gives me enough to meet with the Chief and Commissioner’s criteria so I can work with you as an official consultant._ _

__“And, with the added monetary bonus, I’ll be in a financially stable position and won’t have to smooch off you...” and his eyes suddenly fell, the hated anxiety rearing its ugly head again to sap his enthusiasm._ _

__“Hey, Hey! None of that, babe!” Jim replied, tipping Blair’s face up to meet his gaze with a finger under the younger man’s chin._ _

__“That’s wonderful news, sweetheart, and I’m so glad you’ll be able to continue your studies even if the PhD has to go on hold for a while longer. You _will_ get it sooner or later, Blair, I promise you. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t thrilled that you’ll soon be working with me officially. And I honestly am pleased that you won’t have to carry after all, Chief. I know that was always going to be a sticking point with you, and this way you not only get your reputation back, but you don’t have to go against your deepest principals either. I just wish I hadn’t been so self-centred before that I didn’t realise what accepting the badge would have cost you. And I’ll never forgive myself for my cowardice in not admitting the truth about my gift.” _ _

__“Hey, it’s OK, Jim, and I really appreciate how you’ve helped me over the last few months. I had been so frightened that our partnership was history, and didn’t know how I could find a life without you. I couldn’t even envision an academic career or another relationship. But you came for me after all. And I’ll never leave you, Jim. Not just because you’re my Sentinel Holy Grail, but because you’re you. My life, and the other half of my soul.”_ _

__Smiling contentedly, Jim tilted Blair’s face so he could claim his lips once again in a loving and possessive kiss._ _

__“And you’re my life, sweetheart. And I’ll try never to let you down again. Perfection I can’t guarantee,” he added with a rueful grin, “But I do promise that if you hit me hard enough, I’ll always listen to you in the future! And although I’ll never understand how you could do it – your capacity for compassion and forgiveness awes me, babe – I think that you made the right choice about Dad, even if I wanted to kill him myself at the time!”_ _

__“It wasn’t easy, Jim,” Blair murmured, face down-turned again as he considered his reply._ _

__“I mean, I was so upset and hurt, man. I couldn’t get to grips with how anyone let alone your Dad could hate me so much. It was really devastating, you know? But then I thought, how could I honestly press charges against him for doing his best to protect his child? He was wrong, for sure, but he allowed himself to be led by his instincts much in the same way as Naomi did for me. She thought she was helping me in my academic career, and your Dad thought he was helping you get your life back. At least the sort of life he presumed you wanted._ _

__“And to him I must have seemed like a self-serving prick. As did you at first...” and his chin sank to rest on his chest as his shoulders tensed a little, even now expecting punishment for his outspoken words._ _

__Knowing exactly where Blair was coming from, and easily reading his physical responses, Jim had no problem in pulling Blair in for a protracted cuddle._ _

__“S’OK, babe. No need for nerves, and yes, I do appreciate your values. And understand your reasoning. After all, I never went out of my way to reassure you, and it was too easy to use you as my whipping boy. But that’s history now, babe. We understand each other now like we should have done years ago. And it’ll have done Dad no harm parting with a good sum of money in an out-of-court settlement for you. And if he’s had to put up with some cold-shouldering from his business and social buddies, then it’s no more than he should expect. He’s damned lucky that you’re a gentle and forgiving person, Blair, and you should never feel any guilt in using the funds he provided for you!”_ _

__Relaxing visibly, and turning his face up to meet Jim’s gaze again, Blair beamed at his big lover, his adoration lighting up his beautiful eyes._ _

__“Thank you, lover. Thank you for understanding me and not blaming me for whatever went wrong between us. I think of it now as an extended trial by fire. One that both of us could have done without, but which has made us stronger anyway. I have the chance to take the path I always wanted, and I feel I’m ready to go for it. Sure, I’ve got some work to do in the rehabilitation department, but at least I feel that I can succeed now. And that’s purely because of your belief in me.”_ _

__“Tell you what, babe. If I turn the burner off, I’m sure the sauce won’t suffer. And I for one would love the opportunity to take you to bed right now and prove my love for you as we reaffirm our bond...” and Jim raised an eyebrow in a fondly quizzical expression that Blair could no more deny than cut off his right arm._ _

__“Oh yeah, lover! I’m so there...” and he rose from the sofa, already turning eagerly for the bedroom as Jim hustled to the kitchen to turn off the heat under the spaghetti sauce.  
_ _

__\---------------------  
_ _

__Some while later, Jim smiled smugly as he snuggled up, comfortably spooned around the sated and lax body of his well-loved and slumbering Guide. Feeling relaxed and contented himself; he nuzzled the fragrant skin behind Blair’s ear, happy to indulge in a few moments’ reminiscing of their first coupling before enjoying a well-earned nap._ _

__True, tonight’s love-making had been urgent and passionate if still loving and caring, but their first time had been anything but._ _

__Despite the mutual comfort of a shared bed, and Blair’s need for a very tactile relationship immediately after his rescue, they had actually progressed slowly to the next stage in their relationship. Jim had deliberately refrained from any overtly sexual touch while Blair was still so fragile, but eventually there had come a night when Blair himself had turned into Jim’s hold, nervously offering his lips for Jim to take if he so chose._ _

__And Jim had indeed chosen. After their first gentle kiss, and moving slowly and carefully, he had loved, mapped and imprinted his Guide, all without frightening the smaller man, so that when the moment of their joining occurred, it was a moment of exquisite bliss for both of them. No soaring rockets, bells and poetry, but a true melding of souls, each bound to the other for ever after, their bond reaffirmed in this life as it was always meant to be: One Sentinel, one Guide forever._ _

__And just before he sank into sleep, Jim thought,_ _

___He really is something special, my Guide. He walked through fire for me. He denied his own principles to protect me. He lied, he denied and he suffered just because he loves me._ _ _

____He might not be perfect, but he’s a good man._ _ _ _

____A forgiving man._ _ _ _

____And a truthful man._ _ _ _

____He deserves everything I can give him from now until the end of time._ _ _ _

____My Blair. My Guide. My eternal love._  
_ _ _

__**The End.** _ _


End file.
